But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
Psalm 73:28
__________________________________________
I taught myself to crochet this spring. It's pretty simple to start with the wealth of knowledge out there at your fingertips. There are literally millions of video tutorials, and entire boards of people (thanks ravelry.com!) that are easy to access and great coaches for someone that knows practically no crocheters. But to start, get this: Jonathan just bought me a book. And I read it!
I periodically joke, now that I am on my third blanket and continually learning new things, that I have turned into a grandma at the ripe old age of 33! Jonathan says he loves it, and finds it so sweet. We are old souls meant for one another I can confidently say.
Besides the art of crochet, I've been studying a handful of other things. The Lord has been teaching me in a few areas of my life at once, but I'm surprised and not surprised at the same time. Women tend to relate everything in their minds, hearts, and souls. So, why would this be any different? Yet, with me, I have always seen specific studies be compartmentalized. So, I'm in new territory myself.
The Lord is doing this because I have made the place for it. I have made my life, my heart, and my soul still, quiet before Him everyday. It's the ultimate act of love, and the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my walk with Him, save saying "yes" to the God I love. And I'm aching to spill it out to anyone that comes near me. How could I not? Life changing things create a fire and a passion to share with others in hopes that they too may experience growth!
The problem is that my spilling isn't a system. It isn't "Five Steps to Life Change!", although there certainly would be common "steps" if we all executed this concept. No, if anything I find that the man made ideas of systems which have so eloquently pervaded the church atmosphere as well, mostly to our detriment, cause much division. They cause issues. They help sometimes. No system here, per se, It's just spending dedicated time to study the Word everyday, to meditate and pray quietly waiting to hear from the Lord, and to turn off all the craziness of life in order to abide in Him, to give Him the first spot. That means the car rides are pretty quiet, my home is quiet with the exception of some music or a Rogers every once in a while, my life, in general, is quiet.
Back in the old days of this blog, years ago, I had a few entries about the things the Holy Spirit was starting to teach me as a homemaker and mother. Things like John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the
world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Verses like that one, and others helped set a foundation in my life of reliance on the ONE who knows me, my children, and our circumstances much better than we do ourselves. Allowing complete obedience to overspread our home and trust in the Almighty to penetrate our hearts produced compelling life change, and gave me much confidence. Not in myself, no my (our!) confidence came because we knew we had waved the white flag of surrender. We had given up our lives, really before we ever started. And this trust and obedience in the Lord gave Him nothing but malleable clay. Hallelujah!
So how did I get to granny status?!
That ultimate act of love I was referring to above has led me to the quiet still places where HE IS. Our Lord is counter cultural in all ways. We are aliens, remember? He tells us that (see John 15:18-19, John 17:16, and Philippians 3:20.)
That spirit of the world tries so hard to come in and influence us, but working diligently at a tender conscience at His feet will lead you to the places of security and trust. The places where He meets all your needs, changes your life, and leads you through the straight paths. When everything around you says the crooked path, and when all your logic defies, HE will show you why He is in control.
We are the most educated generation of women that has ever lived. Yet, with all that education, we fail to do what needs to be done with it: put it before the Almighty, and test it in His Word.
Rarely do I put such a large passage of Scripture in an entry, but Titus 2 has been a drum beat in my heart as I see God's promises becoming true. And I see how this requires you to change what you think you should be doing every day.
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. 9 Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, 10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
15 Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.
I am seeing what a life that is reverent in behavior looks like. The definition of reverence is an outward manifestation or a gesture, a feeling, and attitude of deep respect tinged with awe and veneration. Is this true for me? Lord, make it ever true. Grow the roots of my heart so deep into the soil of pleasing you, fearing you, that this is always evident. If someone can look at you and see a love for the world, you do not carry reverence in an outward manifestation.
Am I a slanderer? Well, do you say things about other folks that are untrue or make them look poorly?
Am I slave to wine? Do you even appear to be a lover of wine? Quite frankly I stumble on so many folks that evidently haven't read Romans 14 lately, and want to flaunt their "liberty to drink". They broadcast it with pictures, some prominent women flaunt it in the books they write, and others use it sparingly, but know in their hearts that they look forward to every glass. Oh dear.
Am I teaching what is good, training younger women to love their husbands and children? I may not have gray hair, but I do not escape this exhortation! Women younger than me should be able to look to my life as one that lines up with this passage. Do I say disparaging things about the people in my family? Do I mock my children's behavior online, or to others? Do I undercut my husband, or laugh at jokes in which he, or men in general, are the butt of it? That is not pleasing to the Lord God.
Am I self controlled? The last 6 months I have seen the Lord teaching me self control in new, deep ways. It's been so kind of Him, and encouraging, and at a pace that I can follow. Thank you, Lord.
What about purity? Purity has come to my attention in a whole new way, and I long for it!
Do I work in my home? Working at home has become my joy and passion. In a sea of women that complain about their work at home, that escape it for something "more important" (what a lie from the devil himself!) or, even the ones who can't because of the choices they have made or are making, I long to urge them to ask the Lord for this gift. The gift of working at home. Scripture asserts that you should, and you can trust that source as the highest and greatest.
Am I kind? Am I submissive?
Am I living a life that is being trained to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions while I wait on Him to return? The answer to this is "yes." I can say that my lifestyle does this, and I boast in the Lord.
I want this so badly for all the women I come in contact with. Just desperately. I want them to become free from the spirit of the world that has brought them to a place of slavery in their lives. The examples of this are numerous. They morph into all sorts of forms that only the obedient heart will be able to see. A tender heart toward the Lord will immediately sense the Holy Spirit saying "This is not the way, I long to show you a better way." And speaking as a reformed career woman, He does.
The mothering debates are deep, and hurtful to many, causing all sorts of pain. What isn't a debate is the need we all have to surrender our minds, hearts, and souls to spending quality time with the Lord. And if you don't have it in your current life, Jesus will change everything about you in order to get that time with you, because he desperately loves you.
Let me say that again: HE DESPERATELY LOVES YOU, HE WANTS YOU. He wants your time, your life, your everything. And He is able to be trusted with it. He will protect those who live under the shadow of the Almighty. He will provide for the one who sits at His right hand. He will lead the one that will not lead themselves, and He will love you better than you could ever imagine.
So, will I follow verse 15 declaring these things, exhorting and rebuking with all authority? Yes.
___________
I'm embarrassed that my own worldly influences have been shown here, and I need to repent.
Proverbs 16:31 says that "a gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness." and here I am joking about being a granny. It's something to aspire to.
See? Our God is counter-cultural.
Oh Lord,
What depths to you. How I long to be there. This world has nothing for me. Help me. Help me run harder, love deeper, and be an example to those that do not know you in every way. I trust you in all things, for you didn't have to prove yourself to me, yet you do, over and over, that you are my all in all.
All my love,
Sarah
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
"that they may know that you alone, whose name is the LORD, are the Most High over all the earth."
-Psalm 83:18
__________________________________
This morning at 8:30am, Evelyn said "hello" followed by "Mommy can we go swimming?" The amount of time we spend outside leads me to believe that they have inherited their father's love of swimming! We said goodbye to daddy, and packed up snacks before heading out to the backyard. The new house has a pool, which could admittedly be a large source of stress, but Jonathan and I spent time in prayer about it before we purchased the home, and we use our brains to make good decisions about pool safety.After putting the oldest three in their puddle jumpers I got Jack in his suit and lathered up that fair skin of his, before setting him down to monkey crawl, his newest form of movement that surely will just proceed the inevitable walking. Jack wants to be big SO BADLY. Can you blame him? I'm sure he must want to do everything the older three do. They always look like they are having such a blast! Today I watched as he monkeyed over to his shallow end and saw as he stopped just short of it to turn himself around and lower himself down into it. The problem is, he had spotted the first row of diamond tiles, not the top row which make up the boundary of the shallow end. I saw him thinking he had made it to his pool, so I yelled "Not there, Jack! No no no!" but he had already determined in his mind that it was safe and let go. I snatched him out of the water a split second after he was completely submerged. I think he actually found it fun. Sigh.
Vivien said "Mommy, did Jack die?" I explained to her that he could have died because he was in water and he didn't know how to swim yet. We talked about the rules of our pool again (I'm sure they are so tired of it!), and we touched on how sad mommy would be if one of the kiddos went to be with Jesus and left us, how much we would miss them.
Shortly thereafter, I put Jack down for his morning nap and sent Jonathan a text to tell him the story. He sent me back this:
These situations are WHY I trust the Lord implicitly with our children. Nothing happens apart from Him knowing it and allowing it.
Jonathan admitted that he thought to tell me beforehand, but thought he might sound worrisome and that he wanted to trust the Lord. And look at this beautiful testimony we got out of not worrying, just waiting. Jonathan joined in with the Lord in prayer instead of saying something to me, and I experienced that prompting of the Lord in the situation and the PEACE that comes with knowing He will alert us to what we need to know.
This is the most powerful testimony of a person who walks with God: the ability to put full trust in the hands that hold the world. All I must do is use wisdom, trust Him, and LISTEN as He prompts us. To listen, I must be quiet in my heart. I must shut out the things that drown His still small voice, and receive with an open heart.
Elisabeth Elliot writes in "Be Still My Soul":
"The longer I live, the more fully I become convinced that the Lord is in charge of everything on this complicated Earth and that nothing happens without His permission. It's one of the great advantages of old age to be so completely sure of that. God Almighty is sovereign. He is the One who is paramount, autonomous, unlimited, supreme, all-loving, the absolute ruler of everything.
It seems to me to me that our modern church life, with its emphasis on cozy friendship with God, has deprived us somewhat of an awe-filled appreciation for His sovereignty. It's not that we take issue with it exactly. We recognize His hand at work at startling or spectacular moments...However, as we plod through the ordinary middle ground of our lives, the long distances between the punctuations marks of exultation and desolation, we fail to appreciate God's sovereignty."
But we don't have to fail to appreciate it. Choose to trust and obey, to listen and be obedient, and see how the Lord will walk in close friendship with you, how He will prompt your spirit to be sensitive to His leading. In our family, He is leading us to pray. We may not have the resources or the abilities to go out and do, but we certainly can stay in and pray. Jesus did nothing apart from the Father's leading in prayer. Why should we be any different?
Thank you, Lord, for allowing us to be apart of what you are doing in our family by joining you in prayer. Thank you for speaking to us as we take the steps to make you the loudest voice we hear. Thank you for entrusting us with so much, and giving us strength to steward it all everyday. We love you Jesus. Apart from you, we are nothing.
All my love,
Sarah
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law.
Galatians 5:1
After Jonathan and I were married, my Father in law asked me very graciously one night if I wondered if I would ever return to a lifestyle of drug abuse. Among other dumb behaviors, all rooting themselves in my desire to live life to the fullest apart from God, I abused drugs for a few years- hard drugs- before I gave my life to Christ. I appreciated the question, and I was excited to tell him no.
I'm not surprised in the least bit that He asked. The old adage "but for the grace of God there go I", comes to mind, but I KNOW that my love and passion and relationship with Jesus is so deeply rooted in what He and I have, that I would rather die physically than wound my Savior.
That's the sort of devotion that flows from a heart that has been set free. How can I not pledge such allegiance to the Lord after what He has done? I spent a handful of years of screwing it up, so I had to spend a handful of years fixing it. It's not a quick prayer and "move on" type of deal. I talked through many things with my amazing mother, who had been set free from lots of generational sin in her own life, but mostly I worked at it with the Lord.
For me, I spent many years crying out in prayer and worship, and practically writing. Writing A LOT (and in almost illegible handwriting.) I also read my Bible like a desert castaway who had stumbled upon the oasis.
Everyone needs the Holy Spirit to walk with them and counsel them through those places. He must be first. I had friends, I knew people, but you know who was with
me in every moment? Jesus. He was there. And I gave Him the place to
be my best friend.
So, truth be told, to me it doesn't sound hard.
Okay, it's hard in that it takes time, and work, and surrender on your part. More surrender than just "Jesus you are the Lord of my life" The end.
And that's why I find myself writing today.
I'm in shock. Almost everywhere I turn these days, I see professing Christians in bondage. And I'm so sad. It's starting to weigh down my heart like an anvil to a balloon, and I'm desperate for change, and for hope. It's like we have discounted the healing power of the very one who IS The Great Healer: Our Lord. Either that or the people I know that say they love Jesus, don't know Him.
To the ones of us that do, do we not trust Him to break us into a million pieces so that He can rebuild us into the vessel He wants us to be?
According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.
1 Corinthians 3:10-15
I read that passage and I picture all these foundations without much to speak of on top. Or perhaps a house is there, but it looks ready to collapse. My heart aches for these ones! This is why we so desperately need to disciple: to have someone come along and actually lead them through this stuff, to help stand along side them as they pursue and mature in Christ. Maturing in Christ means reading your Bible, meditating on what the Holy Spirit would lead you to do, and standing firm on God's promises. When you have enough of that in you, there's no room for any waste to fit in there.
For example, a dear friend of mine is going through a crisis that is threatening to tear up her marriage.
But it's awesome.
Last night I spent two hours on the phone with her listening to the proclamations of what the Lord is doing. The couple had built up a house that is being burnt up now, and the Lord is leading them afresh. Both sets of eyes not on each other or the world, but on Him.
We would giggle out of sheer emotional release at what a crazy month it has been. We would cry, but KNOW what the other was going through or had been through, and it was life changing. I still can't believe my friend. She is like a new person. It's the trademark of a person who has truly encountered Christ, and I'm so excited to see it happening!!!! She and her husband desired, prayed for the Lord to change them to be more like HIM. And that's all it took. Over a course of two years or so, He brought them LOW, so that He could rebuild. And it's just so awesome!!!!! We were both in crying laughter last night over the hard parts bringing such relief. I'm ENCOURAGED just walking next to her, encouraging her in my own freedom journey. But they are owning it, their sin, and they are working it to God, and He is giving them Scripture and changing their lives with His NEARNESS.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17
I, as well as others, can testify to these types of goodness.
I YEARN for that freedom in the lives of other believers!!! Christians!!!! HOW WILL THE WORLD SEE WE ARE DIFFERENT IF WE LIVE IN THE SAME BONDAGE AS THOSE APART FROM CHRIST?!?!
I know plenty of women who can't get past their physical body as their source of worth. They go to extremes to feel fulfilled. I can speak to that. I was once in that place myself. Oh what I wouldn't give to say to each and every one of them "Take care of your vessel, but ultimately, when you do something extreme you miss the secret that the Lord has for you in what HE can give, after all HE made you! (And, for some of you, the intimate place of a Christ focused marriage and the TREASURE that it is.) You fall prey to what the world thinks is beautiful, and you look like the world." It's heartbreaking to me. You give up something awe inspiring in the journey with the Lord, for something that's just good: your quick fix.You lose the chance to REALLY walk in FREEDOM! Oh, Jesus! Help us! Make us tender to hear your leading!
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:25, 30
My husband is another great example...although he never did drugs, he had his own sins and struggled with depression. But the Lord set Him free. He fell more in love with pleasing Jesus than He did himself, and I have seen that manifest itself in every area of his life, of our life. Put up all the guards you want, until you are free from the addiction, until the Lord changes your source, it's only a matter of time before you fall again. Run hard after Jesus. There isn't room for His Spirit and your bondage.
And a brief word about sex and marriage: we were two broken cases. We were set up to fail, but we kept our marriage at the foot of the cross, we guard our eyes, and then we thank God for reprogramming our brains. Because over the past almost 5 years, that's what has happened. Two people who came with very corrupt views and backgrounds LONG to shout from the rooftops how God has taught us the ways that intimacy is a pure expression of love and not a performance for your spouse. It isn't about all the "show". Don't copy THE WORLD! Seek HIS ways, and HE WILL NOT HIDE FROM YOU!!!!!
________________________
I wonder if I sound too cavalier? If I do it is because I am on the other side of my healing. All of this passion for truth came through great pain. Sin causes pain, so I am rejoicing in being restored.
Sometimes I look at our children and I wonder if they will stray one day. I know they are all sinners. But I wonder how that will manifest. I trust the Lord. He works it all together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Oh Jesus, how I long for everyone to experience your goodness in the building of their lives. I know my heart is merely a dim reflection of what YOU feel for all of us. Help us to run faster after you. Harder after your ways. Help us to be more like YOU, and less like ourselves. Teach us the paths of righteousness.
All my love...Sarah
“Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is.”
-Amy Carmichael
____________________________________________________
Last night as I was about to fall asleep, The Lord spoke to me. He (not audibly, just in my mind) said "Go check the doors."
Because I knew it was Him, and not my own thoughts, I slowly got up and went to the garage door. Locked. Front door? Not only was it unlocked, it was actually AJAR. The air sort of escaped my lungs at the shock of seeing it there open at midnight, and I scanned my mind thinking "how did this happen?" I could only recall leaving through the front door once all day, and it was ME. The door is too heavy and awkward for the kids to open.
So I locked it, retreated to our bed and whispered to an almost asleep Jonathan what had just happened. He retorted something sweetly sassy, an offering of thanks to God for the heads up, and we drifted off. I laid awake to ponder it some, and this morning woke with a fresh thankfulness in His faithfulness in moments like those.
One of the most frequent comments people offer up at the sight of our little crew (after declaring their inability to attempt having many children!), is that God must have made me a special mother (or something weird like that.) And while I agree, I don't think it is anything that He wouldn't do for any woman. While He does have different things for us in life, having children is not an unclear topic in the Word. The reason God asks us to go forth and have many children is because it changes us to be more like Him. We understand His heart better. We embrace and over time, come to know joy like a deep flowing wellspring in our lives because HE does the work. Very little in life affords us this opportunity like having many children does. It FORCES you to make the decisions that align with God's heart in matters. It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful, beautiful thing. The more you give up, the more you get. Oh, Jesus, thank you.
Practically, having a lot of children makes you stop losing your mind over the control. If it's one thing I see over and over, it's the need for control. Having many forces you to trust Jesus for the lives and well being of your children. He gave them to us, so I naturally turn right around and offer that back to Him, amen? Father, your will, not my own. Give me ears to hear what to do, and I will do it.
This is essentially what led us to making some changes in our lives to acquire those ears. About six months ago I made my life, our life, the most quiet it's ever been. I know, with four children and one on the way, how can my life be quiet, right? It's quiet from the wrong noise.
I was weary of the discussions online, the places in which my passions for the truth of God were not received had tired me, and I realized through a course of events that my time had become my most valuable asset, and my world needed to shrink. Besides, using a God given gift wrongly is about the same as just not using it at all. Wasteful.
It was a bit painful, because I genuinely miss a great deal of people and the sort of connectedness I could experience, but it has encouraged me to forge more authentic relationships with a few, instead of shallow relationships with many. And now that I am this far, I don't want to go back.
Most importantly I was ready to spend even more time with the Lord. Those ears, Lord. I want to hear. And I can see how He has honored that.
It's a discipline. That relationship that is so comfortable that you want to spend time with them constantly? Most of us can only say that about a spouse. Potentially a life long friend? It's a small opening, and I wanted the Lord to fill it.
Getting time to meditate on His precepts, and to study His Word is a blessing. A life changing, intimate, blessing. It's sweet like honey. I had tasted His leading the past four years in a new way, as a mother, but I was ready for it to be more.
Perhaps I am the only one who gets so distracted by things that I can't hear the still, small voice? But the Word says that His voice is "still, and small." How counter cultural our God is. Our world wants "FAST, AND BIG!" Louder, says the masses! But our Lord is not in the business of conforming to the world.
So you must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, "You must be holy because I am holy."
I Peter 1:14-16
 |
| dandelion picking in the new backyard. |
Some of the things my children do irritate me more than other things, and of course I am working through those accordingly. A couple of months ago I was out in the back yard with my husband and father working on a few yard projects. We were chopping down some trees, actually, but when we were through there, the shovels came out and I turned to my father to ask him what I could do next. He said, "Don't bother to dig, Sarah. It's mud, it's too heavy, and your husband and I will handle it." With that he turned and walked away.
So, as I watched his back headed towards our home to retrieve something else out of the workshop, I grabbed the shovel up off the ground and stuck it deep into the wet ground. Pushing with my foot, the Holy Spirit whispered to me "You didn't listen to your father. You had to see for yourself. And this is the very same behavior that drives you crazy in your Evelyn." I laughed out of surprise, and shock.
Oh dear. Here I am, 33 years old, and I didn't obey my dad. I know my father! He wasn't trying to hurt me. He was just telling me the truth: I'm pregnant, and not the right person to be digging up the soil in our backyard. That's for the men! He wasn't even cruel about it, he just told me the truth. Yet, I had to try it myself. My heart softened toward my daughter in a new way that day, a way that only the very Spirit of God can work.
I used to tell the teenage crowds that I would educate on sex that there are two types of people: Those who can hear the experiences of others and learn, and those who had to do things themselves.
Sigh.
It's not shocking that our children are sinners. Good heavens. It's not even shocking that they repeat our sin. I guess I just wish I knew some way to reach that. I'm working on it. And I'm thankful to the Lord for showing me these things in His great effort to continue to mold me into the mother, and woman that He wants me to be. More love, more grace, more holiness. They all work together.
We miss God's biggest blessings when we satisfy our own desires. I am convinced that those desires are generally not bad, they are just not God's best.
I'll give you an example. We have lived here for almost four months now and still haven't purchased a particular piece of furniture for our main living area. I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for, but a few pieces came and went as close to what I was looking for.
After all this time, I had grown to look at the spot in the room, that needed something to cover the once open wall now just boarded, with a bit of dismay. How could anything ever look right? A few days ago, Uncle Scott brought home the perfect piece for us...for free.
I could have purchased something a few times over the past few months, but by waiting on the Lord and just offering it up to Him and His timing, we received not only the sweet blessing of the right piece (it fits perfect!), but also at the right price.
And it has been that way with so many things. The very home we live in is the embodiment of this concept. If we try to solve it first, or get impatient and get ahead of God, we will still probably end up with something good, something that works. But if we wait on Him, and offer it all up to Him, we get the fullness of His plan.
I don't want second best. I want all of His perfect best will.
So then I continue to turn down the noise, the funky stuff, the waste of time, instead choosing to pursue the will of the One who knows it all, and certainly knows me better than myself (See Psalm 139!) Please understand that it is an act of self sacrifice, and of self denial. If you don't practice those two things daily, then like Amy Carmichael once said "You know nothing of Calvary's love". She's right. Painfully so, but right nonetheless.
Oh Lord, I love you. Thank you for helping me be more like you. I want all of the other stuff out, and everything that is your best and perfect will here. And continue to help me understand the sacrificial love that you gave, and the humility that is required to be a servant of the Most High.
All my love,
Sarah
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
-Philippians 2:1-11
The majority of this verse is my husband's favorite passage in Scripture. Quite frankly, even though it is boldly hanging above our living room mantle, I don't think it has ever struck me as deep as it has this past week.
The GOSPEL. It is the very cornerstone of the faith of a Christian, correct? The Gospel message should be our only hope. In essence our lives should emulate a working gospel, if in fact that is what we believe.
Yet as of late, I frequently find myself amidst deep Christian-driven situations in which the gospel is absent, or perhaps present yet only a partial part of the picture. What?! Why?
The big scandal this week was the Duggar family and their eldest son's childhood sins. The world has been waiting to devour the Duggars at their first hiccup. Someone finally dug deep enough and far enough back to uncover the very thing that led this young boy to the knowledge of his depravity, and thusly uncovered his desperate need for a Savior. After all the facts were established from the accusers AND the accused, I waited to hear the response of the family. I felt that this would be the hour of hours to assert the message of the gospel. And they did, in part. But only in part. No one mentioned the name of Jesus. Josh called his actions inexcusable, and the parents cited their shock at their sons behavior, that they thought they had raised him better than that, but no one asserted the message of the gospel in the power of the name of Jesus.
And that was where I felt the most disappointment. Josh could've come out saying "Everyone THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED I NEEDED JESUS!!!! I NEEDED JESUS!!!! Even though I was raised with all the 'right' behavior modifications, and the best rules, and love and support (that the whole world makes fun of and calls us freaks over)- I NEEDED JESUS! AND I STILL NEED JESUS! Today MORE THAN EVER!"
And then for Michelle and Jim Bob, shock? Why are you shocked that your kids are sinners? Isn't that what you need saving from? Your SIN?! Sure, I believe that they were shocked at what the actual sin was, but to be shocked that your child sinned, even to that depth, is all the more reason to reexamine and promote your desperate need for a Savior.
We are huge Duggar fans here, so this isn't an attempt to wound them further, but I am admitting my sadness over the public statements that were issued. This is why it is so important to RIGHTLY understand THE GOSPEL.
And that's what my heart consistently grieves over in the Christian culture. Every time I see the emphasis being on a set of "things we can do" or "cliches to remember", I feel saddened that we have forgotten the basics. We cheapen ourselves to a worldly system with a cute little "Christ bow" on it, and we defame Him. We take His glory. We miss the gospel message.
Do you think you are so holy? "But for the grace of God there go you." (1 Corinthians 15:10) And that grace was COSTLY. It costs Christ HIS VERY LIFE. Please don't forget the reverence that He is due.
Marriage trouble? Well what does the Bible say? Above, it points out that Christ humbled himself to the point of death. And that HIS MIND was to be lowly.
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus..."
Stop elevating your needs above your spouse. Stop trying to "self help" yourself into oblivion. Stop trying to make it be about YOU, and make it be more about HIM. Jesus! When you are doing all of your feeling, pick up your Bible and ask the Lord to show you in Scripture what HE THINKS. Let Him show you what you *ought* to be feeling. Get on your knees and ask for lowliness of mind, for a humble spirit, the very mind of Christ Jesus.
If we truly have received the mind of Christ, why are we not less selfish?
It's because we are worldly. Our world is fueled by self promotion. This is the essence of success. But what arena are you succeeding in? What arena really matters? Feed your Spirit, not your flesh. The Bible reminds us not to fear man, not to fear those that can kill the body, but to fear the One that can kill your soul. (Gal 1:10, Matt 10:28)
Do you want to be a better friend? Consider others better than yourself. How about a better roommate? Ask the Lord to prompt you in your spirit that you are LESS THAN. The very essence of life led by the King of glory is one in which every bit of you yearns to glorify HIM, and not yourself. You can't will yourself to do that, so when you pray that way, when you ask to be that, The Lord will change you. He will give you that. But He only goes until you say "Stop."
Don't say "Stop."
In pain, in hardship, the well grows deeper, the water cooler and sweeter, and the wisdom from Him paints the very depths of what it means to abide. Your filter changes, your needs change, your desires change, it all changes.
It's funny because in the midst of all these failed attempts to preach a glorified an unadulterated gospel, the Lord is moving deeply and profoundly in the lives of one of my dearest friends. Her life is falling apart, to be put back for Christ. And as I see all the outward "shows" of being "good Christians" around me, I find that the place that looks the messiest: her life: is being lived for Christ the most. Her eyes are open, she has ears to hear. It gives me chills and makes my heart race to hear the glorious things that God is doing daily, even hourly, in her situation. I'm humbled that the Lord is allowing me to be ENCOURAGED by His might in the midst of sorrow. It's just beautiful, and a testimony that will encourage many for years and years to come.
You know what this is? Americans, people, can smell a phony from a mile away. We want AUTHENTICITY. Desperately. We desperately want the power of God, and to see Him move and be real. Non Christians want it just as much as professing believers. Let's be authentic in our need for the gospel, yes? People want the truth so badly because it is a reflection of our Creator in us. "God desires truth in the innermost parts" (Psalm 51:6) and "He resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."(James 4:6) That yearning in you is God given.
In our family, we seek to center ourselves around the gospel of Jesus. ALL OF US. And for Jonathan and I to lead by example in that, we need to run the hardest after it. Our children should have to chase down the gospel themselves in order to understand why their parents live the way they do. "Oh Jesus, help me grow in this more. Help me be more like you. Not by my might, not by my power, but by YOUR SPIRIT Oh Lord."
-Sarah
Well, hello there Blog! How have you been? I know it's been quite a while since I posted an update...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. We've had a lot going on, and I couldn't just quite seem to sit down and write.
To prove to you how badly I wanted to update you, and couldn't wait another day, please take exhibit A: our "office". It gets a "" because how can you call a room with filled with all sorts of unpacked nonsense, brown curtains up over the windows like we're hiding something, a crib, PILES of paperwork, and, oh yeah, a desk with a computer on it, AN OFFICE?! It's been like THAT, Blog, please understand. I cannot make a case that this room looks any different than the day we moved in two months ago. What can I say, the squeaky wheel always seems to get the grease....
And then there's the morning sickness. Which is actually more like all day queasiness plus fatigue. You know, the sickness that guilts you into feeling like the laziest mom, zaps your desire to shower, and keeps you from doing dishes, like, ever? Yeah, that little buddy brings the promise of a sweet new member to our family, reminding me that I am WEAK and in need of HIS STRENGTH.
So, in an attempt at self discipline this morning, I read Vivien the fancy homeschool books, and while congratulating myself on actually doing something well, I noticed the abysmal condition of the bottoms of my feet. Goodness. I about gagged. It's just THAT LIFE right now. We're powering through ;)
I am poking fun at myself, but I have to admit, I really have seen a lot of growth. I can remember (since it wasn't too long ago) before Vivien my thoughts on motherhood, my physical condition, and I can see a big difference between then and now. Good thing I have a blog I can go back and read ;)
One thing no one really shouts from the rooftops in the whole "motherhood is such an amazing journey" thing, is that I am finding to do it well, it requires a very self sacrificial attitude. I know that sounds over simplified, or perhaps it's "DUH!" What else you got for me? But, it's one of those concepts like "Training for a triathlon is hard!" or "Losing 50 pounds is hard!" It's a long process that requires lots of denial of self. I just don't think I am living in a culture that really grasps denial of self. I mean, I know I'm not. Heck, even other women that love the Lord used to get after me about "me time". How I needed "me time". And I thought, yes, they are right! To make myself a better mother, I need more ME TIME!!!! Wrong. So, so, so wrong. Let me caveat this by saying, I am not scorning time spent alone (um, hello, I'm alone right now while all of my children nap), rather, what I have picked up on is that a day to day balance can easily be reached, after the Lord really changes your heart for what "me time" is. I mean, I find that what fuels me the most is time with my Father. But, it has been a process. I used to really need to get out. Now I find when I do, I'm out of touch with what "fun" is...and I would rather be at home with my family. And also hear this, I so enjoy a simple date with my spouse. It's nice to laugh and cut up and remember why we will be crazy about each other forever.......but then again, we have five kids, we don't struggle with finding alone time. We MAKE it.
And so I think trusting God with the amount of children in your family ends up being the biggest flag we wave that we love Jesus, else who would possibly self sacrifice that much?!
And the Lord has been meeting me as He teaches me that HE does, and He wants ME to. I can feel Him quietly in my midst in the days here. Giving me strength when I have to repeat myself one extra time because my little fireball of a two year old didn't hear me again. And I can feel His sweet conviction when I have a moment I wish I would've handled differently. But it's kindly bringing me to repentance and kindly showing His heart to my children.
What a blessing it is to stay at home with our children.
I can't say that I have ever done anything to show me the heart of my Father like I have mothering. Oh mercy! It begs me to forget myself, and to lean on Him through which all things are possible (yes! even those mundane tasks!) And in my complete and utter weaknesses, He is strong. He gives me peace to let things lie that can wait, and encourages my Spirit to work as if unto Him on the things that I have no desire to tackle. What waits at the other side of a job well done is an assurance that He made it happen. How can I ever be made strong in Him if I am never weak?
Weakness has come in the form of four little ones and one more on the way. I joke with anyone who listens that I prefer a belly to the constant rocking of that first trimester boat, but I am thankful bottom line, that the Lord has blessed us with another. He is gracious.
So what if the office is entering its third month of disarray? Who cares if the basement is such a disaster that even I feel overwhelmed? It's not a big deal that the kids rooms aren't organized well at this point, just well enough. It'll work itself out soon. And The Lord is the one who keeps giving me the grace and the orders every day. Hallelujah, my Lord, you are my ROCK and MY FORTRESS, MY GOD IN WHOM I TRUST.
Finally, today this Good Friday, was a great platform to talk with our children about Resurrection Sunday approaching...or, as everyone calls it: Easter. We talked about sin and drew out little cards depicting our sins. We talked about bad attitudes, hitting, or being unkind, and that Jesus died for those. Then we put them on a cross. What does the weight of that mean to them? I don't know. Probably very little right now. But it wasn't cheap grace, it cost our Lord HIS LIFE. Thank you Father for dying for me. Jesus, you paid it all.
Let's keep remembering what it's all about, shall we? To know Him and to make Him known? Keep running after Him through meditating and praying His Word.
Have a Blessed Good Friday!
 |
| Outtake of a Christmas Photo! Haha! |
I think we were sort of dreading the Christmas season this year which is particularly odd for our family considering how much we (and by we I especially mean, Jonathan) LOVE this time of year. For him us, it really is the most wonderful time of the year! We celebrate the birth of Jesus, the most important relationship we have in our lives.
Of course a new year brings new challenges. While we have learned to be content where we are, there is an unspoken stress factor that lingers in the back of every day when you are waiting to close on a home. The house closing has been such a journey. We sold our home in faith that we would be able to find another. We had our eye on one just down the street from us, but the Lord had other plans. As of today we are still waiting to close. There have been some issues because the home has two electrical meters and two kitchens. Lenders are having trouble committing to selling it because it's in a residential area, but wants to appear as a multi family dwelling. I'm not sure how banks work through these sorts of things, obviously, because if it was my house sitting there vacant, I would sell it. ;) We have been staying at a rental house in the interim. So without divulging too much of the details, this waiting has put some stress on all of us involved. Aunt Rachel and Uncle Scott had to spend their first Christmas living in the office of The Cross, which is fine, but I'm sure it's not their dream situation. We decided as a family to rally and do Christmas morning with all of us at The Cross, which had never really been the intended plans. I think we were all going to celebrate separately this year. But the Lord had different plans, and not surprisingly, they were much better. How beautiful to be with our family.
 |
| Our 13 family members! |
Tandem parenting, or rather, parenting as a united front is the second "major thing" we have ever dealt with in our marriage. And considering the first took place entirely in our engagement, we consider ourselves blessed. It turns out that our kids get a bit more squirrely when we are both at home. Maybe they pick up on the good cop/bad cop routine? Who knows. This is entirely new for us too, but it has presented us with lots of opportunities to grow as a couple. Jonathan and I are both very "get it done" type A sort of folks. Sometimes that can cause us to bonk heads in day to day direction with the kids. We both have the same end, but the means to that end can differ. This area is where I am reminded that without us both looking to Jesus, things would fall apart. In fact, I think and state this often, but I can't imagine life without Him. Do people just rely on themselves? What guilt must come from that? What measure of pride is needed to maintain sanity? The highs and lows must be maddening. Peace through anything is PRICELESS. In fact peace is the essence of the gospel: "His law is love, and His gospel is peace".
 |
| Christmas present aftermath. |
This year we learned what it takes to be mobile. We had a taste of it on vacation to Florida, but this was a good round two. Staying elsewhere when you have a bunch of littles is very hard. I'm sure that if I was an outsider looking in I may have my thoughts or judgements on this, but it's just difficult to settle the group down and get them to sleep. Perhaps we just have a rowdy crew? Last year it felt unthinkable. 1 and 2 year olds are just so naturally curious that every environment becomes...challenging, you are constantly monitoring. Lots of redirection meant that your focus was on that, not on just enjoying your time with whomever you were with or whatever you were doing. Adding Jack couldn't have been more easy, literally forgoing naps for the sake of the group, yet still remaining upbeat and smiley. But the twins, and our Vivien. Our sweet three just don't want to miss a thing. Nor do I want to expect things of them that just aren't...cool. You know? I often pause my mind in the moments of chaos and remind myself that a lot of "toddler craziness" is based on the very things that we are giving to them, exposing them to, asking them to comply with in this world. Of course you are having a melt down, you aren't supposed to be able to rationalize like a grown up! You aren't supposed to have twenty five televisions on in your peripheral vision while I want you to sit still and eat at a restaurant. Sit still and eat?! What are you, 25?! Please, settle down and go to sleep in this foreign environment that you have never become vulnerable in before...and it just goes on and on. I think kids may be set up for failure in a lot of capacities. I find that our "quiet life" brings forth a gentle life, and a contented set of children. At least my limited perspective reveals that.
 |
| Cousins! |
[Jesus said] "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
So we move forward, noting the things that our children are growing in, asking the Lord for His ultimate wisdom in raising them, and trusting that in our humility, He will right whatever we get wrong.
I asked my parents again a few days ago what they thought was the most impactful part of my returning to Christ in my early twenties. My folks assert that I was raised in the faith and cite this scripture:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. - Proverbs 22:6
I agree with them. But after that, they say PRAYER. I pray more often than I want to admit, that the Lord would keep my kids from wandering. I guess I am on the right track. That's all the "control" I have over it all. And I'm strangely thankful.
Jonathan and I are reading Tim Keller's new book on prayer. I love to be encouraged in it. Prayer is my most favorite part of my walk with the Lord. So of course, it is the first place I will get discouraged. It requires much maturity and trust to pray and relate with the Father that way. Trusting the Lord for our children by being a praying mom is a labor of love that you may not see for a long time. I have my parents to thank for leading by example and encouraging in this endeavor. If I didn't, I think my culture may have convinced me to give up. Heck, Jonathan and I can't even get people from our own church to meet to pray. It's just an unlooked area of the church, and it's DEVASTATING Christian communities all around. And of course it is a hard practice, and of course we struggle to dedicate the time, quiet, etc to it. But it's a crying shame, and we are determined to continue into the new year even more zealous then before. Prayer CHANGES THINGS.
We have made efforts every night to pray over and with our wild spirits in this family. Those ones with the fire inside of them. And I can see the Lord honoring those prayers already. All three of the older ones can recite the Lord's prayer emphatically, and we do, every night. Sometimes we even pray it in the day. ;) We pray simple things: "Dear Jesus, I love you. Help me to obey you by obeying my parents." Things like that. We pray "Guide my spirit, watch over my body, and help me be more like you." Simple things that I hope instill in them a tenderness for the Holy Spirit and the kind and gentle way He leads. I pray my children will always have tender hearts for the Lord.
I just caught Vivien in her room in the dark dressed like a ballerina, dancing to a small mobile that came with Coco's Christmas gift: a baby doll crib. It was entirely too precious to be mad at, and I was thankful that my instinct was to delight with her in her sweet fantasy. I am enjoying watching her grow up.
After Christmas at my parents, in which we stayed a whole extra night we were having so much fun, we came home determined to reorganize, and live like we aren't leaving. I'm happy to say after a day's work, sanity is restored and I can literally hear a pin drop it's so quiet in the house during nap time today. Giving Vivien, Elijah, and Evelyn their own rooms, and clearing out the storage room for Jack's crib was a fabulous decision and I am certain that we could stay much longer now if needed. There may be eight empty bookshelves, and an extra refrigerator lining our living room walls, but it's cozy and organized for now. I have renewed my strong sense of "If it doesn't have a purpose and a place, throw it out!" You don't even miss it.
When our big kids inherited their own rooms, they also inherited their first places to store their TOYS. They all received toys (educational AND fantastical!) for Christmas, and we are unashamed to say how much FUN it was to watch! I could have cared less to open any gifts myself, the act of giving was so entirely fulfilling. Vivien can be heard referring to herself as Rapunzel in a castle, a ballerina, or a mommy most moments of the day. She can always be found in her Rapunzel dress, or a fairy costume. She is as girly as they come. It's precious.
Evelyn has two dedicated shelves in her new room (formerly Jack's nursery), and has already vehemently claimed her territory. She has her own green light strand (thanks for the late night grab, Home Depot!), and sleeps in her mother's former childhood poster bed. Talk about heavy moments for me? Tucking her in, her perfectly formed words, well ahead of a two year old's vocabulary, falling from her lips, and a quick kiss always choke me up. She loves Minnie Mouse, and Jonathan sounds off that it suits her, as she is her mother's mini. She also has been given the Merida line of princess "gear". It just seems so fitting, although it is worth noting that our girls have never actually seen any of the princess movies that these cartoons star in. Haha!
Elijah is looking for the months to speed up and for his brother to become his playmate and best friend. While he and Evelyn are thick as thieves, she desires to be best buddies with her older sister and he knows. Jack is a quick student, so it won't be long. Elijah is amused by all things cars, and he loves the set we gave him for Christmas. He laughed and laughed every time one of his little four wheeled machines traveled the spiral course. Before his nap today, I watched him trade his baby Emily for Spiderman, and surround himself with his new Elephant, and soccer ball. I wasn't allowed to leave until the bulldozer and excavator that cousin Jeremy sent were in view on his dresser. I suppose they aren't as fun to have on your pillow ;)
And Jack. Oh Jack. We joke that if you are crying, WE did something wrong (like step on you). If everyone had babies like you, there would be millions of children. People would have HUGE families. You are so even keeled, sweet as a chocolate candy, and content to meander around the big kids and their toys. Your every happiness is being held, kissed on, loved on, and fed. You LOVE to eat. Infant Vivien had an appetite like you do, so I have seen it before, yet I find myself amazed at the amount of grub you can scarf down. You've been crawling over a solid month now, and working on pulling up. You need to be upstairs with the big kids. I see it in your little eyes. I'm excited for you too, big boy. ;)
 |
| That present was labeled...accordingly. Thanks Uncle Scott! |
As we start the New Year, I am thankful for Jonathan's job. It has been good to us, and it's good for him. We miss being together in the day, but we treasure the evenings together that much more. I am thankful that I married the perfect man for me. Jonathan and I are so completely right for one another. What a beautiful life to be yoked to someone that is "your lobster", as Phoebe Buffet would say ;)
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO... here it is: the last year of our lives...in video! Thanks again Heather, Movie Momma! It has been an amazing year!!!!
Leave a Comment