A Baby Bug's Life

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 

Psalm 139:14

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Jonathan and I enjoy sitting on the back deck of our house, just off the kitchen, and eating dinner or reading many evenings.  There are two lovely fans above us to help correct the temperature depending on the night, and it's more often than not that a wild bunny or a momma deer will come out to amuse us.  We live in a busy area, yet the design of our home has put us on a sleepy street, and our just under 4 acres has set us up to feel quite a lot of solitude.  I think it's the perfect union of quiet in the midst of busyness, and the irony is not lost on me these days.

Before the bullfrog symphony commences at dusk (pond acoustics can drown out even the closest talkers) we marvel at the little things like where the bats are dwelling controlling the mosquitoes from eating us alive.  We may not know where they come from, but they are welcome!  I am not even sure if I have had one bug bite yet.  And this is Georgia, people!  Yet God's little ecosystem for us makes us feel personally loved and cared for.  It's all in balance.

One of the things we find ourselves circling back to in conversation is how loved we feel, and how undeserving we are.  I particularly feel overwhelmed by my husband and his ability to lead our family in the way that he does.  I realize my spouse wouldn't be suited to someone else, potentially, because I know that God brings the right people together in His perfect will if you will just wait on Him and walk in it.

But since marriage about five years ago now, I can say that the Lord truly blessed me with Jonathan.  And I was reflecting on the fact that I feel so secure in who I am.

In fact, the idea of an insecurity or insecurities has all but left me these days, which I am so very aware of because it's such an exhausting mantel to carry, isn't it?  I'm 33.  I've had plenty of years to live under that weight.

I wondered aloud to my husband how this insecurity development occurred in our society, and what the progression of it has looked like.  It seems like everyone would admit they have them, yet this epic level surely couldn't have always been the norm?  What in the world has transpired to create these deep fears?  Why are we so obsessed with revealing our hurt places to one another? The two of us talked over the logistical aspect around the 1649 origin (yes, I looked it up!) of the word "insecure".  Jonathan immediately related inception to the exchange of information and how that changed things for our modern world.  How would you know that you should feel insecure about something unless someone told you that you should?

And that's where I end up.  The Eve lie..."Who told you that?" said that devil.  And "Who told you that you should feel poorly about the way God made you?" is where I find myself these days.

The relationship you have with God, the security or the insecurity of it, will be the driving force behind your opinion of yourself.  

When you walk closely with the Lord, spending your precious minutes each day at his feet, in His presence, about His Word and quiet to receive His Spirit, the thought of insecurity really doesn't cross your mind.  You feel so secure in who you are to the One that matters.  When you understand that His opinion is supreme, He can lead you in the ways He has for you to steward your body with holiness.  Your confidence will be intact, knowing who you are to the One that made you the way you are, and as my husband says "The sexiest thing about a woman is how confident she is." The Lord says in Psalm 139 (above) that your soul will recognize that God did a wonderful work in you the way He made you.  Oh Jesus!  May we see that!!!!!

A woman unsure of or unhappy with the body that God gave her, has an insecure or nonexistent relationship with the Lord in general.  In contrast, a woman tethered to the Lord's opinion of her finds the Spirit of God raising up a banner in her heart that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."  And that is a work of the Spirit of God in you, not of you summoning up your emotions to believe it.  Meditate on it, and then wait for the flags you see in your life as the Lord does that work in and through you.  You'll see them.  You'll say "Man, I really did care deeply about the way I dressed," when you realize that you are not dressing for others, or visiting the mall yet again.  This isn't a decree to throw away your nice clothing, or to eat whatever you want.  Not at all, you are called to steward rightly what you have been given.  Your body is a temple, yes?  What should you do to treat it with an attitude of reverence in all areas?

The other half of this equation is your husband. His love for The Lord will lead him to be most pleased in a woman who is beautiful in The Lord, confident in her place with Her King.  He would find it appalling that other men would look on her with a lustful attitude because of the way she was dressing.  He would want to protect her, and others because he wants to please the Lord first.  He would find that the Lord would continue to place his eyes only in her direction, knowing he would find his comfort in her arms. His heart would be safe with her.  After all, the place a man should be able to be his most honest self without fear of any insult, should be with his wife.  This fosters deep desire for you in all ways, not just your physical body.

But we prayed to our God and guarded the city day and night to protect ourselves.
 Nehemiah 4:9

Seems so many things in our faith can be traced back to Nehemiah's practice here.  We pray and spend time with the Lord each morning, afternoon, and evening, yet we also choose to be in hot pursuit of holiness, or what may appear to some as "rules".  Our love for the Lord urges us to do so.

I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it. 

Psalm 101:3

We have really eliminated the secular media in our home in most ways.  We have this blog and an Instagram account that we can use to share part of our lives with those we love in a very "photo album" sort of way, and we have a few television shows that Jonathan and I are interested in, plus access to the news, and every once in a while an occasional movie, although sadly enough we really can't find any films that spark our interest anymore, and being that we both have a love of film, it's hard.  But it is what it is.  Worthless entertainment doesn't need our time anyway, and gradually that obedience is followed by the emotion.  The people that control what the masses want to see aren't taking into consideration holiness for God, sooooo that about sums it up over here.

But part of posting a guard, or not viewing things that are worthless, is that the void of that then is filled with things that are lovely, pure, wholesome.  And we know whatever a man thinks on is what he believes.  So we have seen the fruit of that.

By turning my eyes upward, and protecting the images that influence my mind's eye view of myself, it never occurs to me that I have some sort of standard to meet.  That discipline came first in my life, and now I see that my feelings about it have followed.  I know what my standard is.  

Do I have a conviction in my heart from the Lord that I am not taking care of myself by eating well and spending time exercising? Sometimes I do.  And I work to correct that right away.

Do I have a conviction in my heart that I am loving the world's standard of beauty?  Perhaps I will feel a part of that rise up in me sometimes.  But I have noticed that I don't care what part of a body is en vogue to accentuate, nor do I particularly find the obsession women have with having not a blemish, or wrinkle on their entire bodies a great one.  Mercy!  Our bodies are returning to dust!  So no, the answer is that I have seen that die in me.  Our story starts with me recognizing to my husband that it has died.  The Lord has done work on me, and I want to assess the fruit and keep growing more!

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

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If you are married, your intimacy with your husband will be so beautifully affected by these heart changes.  Some things should be between us and so for discretion, elaboration is not needed, but the truth is, what God has done with us in our intimacy encourages, humbles me, and draws me closer to the Lord.  If our sex obsessed culture knew what intimacy was in God's design, that might be enough to change their hearts toward Him.  I'm not even joking.

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

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I think the most grievous part is what happens in the community among women.  We are so busy in bondage to everything else, that we have no time or ability to pour out of ourselves.  This is such a time waster!  Let us not focus on all of this garbage! In fact, I didn't even REALIZE that the Lord was changing this in me.  I was just seeking Him for who He is and this was the natural outpouring of it.  Hallelujah!  Not another program! 

Let us instead spur each other on in spending time at the feet of Jesus, the only place that brings about the heart change.  Let's be about the business of maturing in Christ, so that we look different to this alien world of ours.  Trust HIM to complete the process in you.

My heart aches for this, and Hebrews comes to mind.  I believe I actually am understanding this in a whole new light now.

 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Dear Jesus,

Lord, your hand has done this.  I'm humbled by You.  The more I run to you, the more you change me.  I read "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." in 1 Peter 3:4 and I SEE how you have made that happen in me. 

You know I want to have all these things written down as a prover of who YOU are and YOUR love and faithfulness.  Help me always, help us always, to please you.  Help us to be a testimony to your goodness.  Keep our hearts at your feet, our ears perked to hear what you would teach us, and give us compassion and love to share with others the things that you are faithfully doing.  I'm humbled by You.

All my love,

Sarah