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Love, The Elmers
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:14
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Jonathan and I enjoy sitting on the back deck of our house, just off the kitchen, and eating dinner or reading many evenings. There are two lovely fans above us to help correct the temperature depending on the night, and it's more often than not that a wild bunny or a momma deer will come out to amuse us. We live in a busy area, yet the design of our home has put us on a sleepy street, and our just under 4 acres has set us up to feel quite a lot of solitude. I think it's the perfect union of quiet in the midst of busyness, and the irony is not lost on me these days.
 |
| The deer get awfully close! |
Before the bullfrog symphony commences at dusk (pond acoustics can drown out even the closest talkers) we marvel at the little things like where the bats are dwelling controlling the mosquitoes from eating us alive. We may not know where they come from, but they are welcome! I am not even sure if I have had one bug bite yet. And this is Georgia, people! Yet God's little ecosystem for us makes us feel personally loved and cared for. It's all in balance.
One of the things we find ourselves circling back to in conversation is how loved we feel, and how undeserving we are. I particularly feel overwhelmed by my husband and his ability to lead our family in the way that he does. I realize my spouse wouldn't be suited to someone else, potentially, because I know that God brings the right people together in His perfect will if you will just wait on Him and walk in it.
But since marriage about five years ago now, I can say that the Lord truly blessed me with Jonathan. And I was reflecting on the fact that I feel so secure in who I am.
In fact, the idea of an insecurity or insecurities has all but left me these days, which I am so very aware of because it's such an exhausting mantel to carry, isn't it? I'm 33. I've had plenty of years to live under that weight.
I wondered aloud to my husband how this insecurity development occurred in our society, and what the progression of it has looked like. It seems like everyone would admit they have them, yet this epic level surely couldn't have always been the norm? What in the world has transpired to create these deep fears? Why are we so obsessed with revealing our hurt places to one another? The two of us talked over the logistical aspect around the 1649 origin (yes, I looked it up!) of the word "insecure". Jonathan immediately related inception to the exchange of information and how that changed things for our modern world. How would you know that you should feel insecure about something unless someone told you that you should?
And that's where I end up. The Eve lie..."Who told you that?" said that devil. And "Who told you that you should feel poorly about the way God made you?" is where I find myself these days.
The relationship you have with God, the security or the insecurity of it, will be the driving force behind your opinion of yourself.
When you walk closely with the Lord, spending your precious minutes each day at his feet, in His presence, about His Word and quiet to receive His Spirit, the thought of insecurity really doesn't cross your mind. You feel so secure in who you are to the One that matters. When you understand that His opinion is supreme, He can lead you in the ways He has for you to steward your body with holiness. Your confidence will be intact, knowing who you are to the One that made you the way you are, and as my husband says "The sexiest thing about a woman is how confident she is." The Lord says in Psalm 139 (above) that your soul will recognize that God did a wonderful work in you the way He made you. Oh Jesus! May we see that!!!!!
A woman unsure of or unhappy with the body that God gave her, has an insecure or nonexistent relationship with the Lord in general. In contrast, a woman tethered to the Lord's opinion of her finds the Spirit of God raising up a banner in her heart that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." And that is a work of the Spirit of God in you, not of you summoning up your emotions to believe it. Meditate on it, and then wait for the flags you see in your life as the Lord does that work in and through you. You'll see them. You'll say "Man, I really did care deeply about the way I dressed," when you realize that you are not dressing for others, or visiting the mall yet again. This isn't a decree to throw away your nice clothing, or to eat whatever you want. Not at all, you are called to steward rightly what you have been given. Your body is a temple, yes? What should you do to treat it with an attitude of reverence in all areas?
The other half of this equation is your husband. His love for The Lord will lead him to be most pleased in a woman who is beautiful in The Lord, confident in her place with Her King. He would find it appalling that other men would look on her with a lustful attitude because of the way she was dressing. He would want to protect her, and others because he wants to please the Lord first. He would find that the Lord would continue to place his eyes only in her direction, knowing he would find his comfort in her arms. His heart would be safe with her. After all, the place a man should be able to be his most honest self without fear of any insult, should be with his wife. This fosters deep desire for you in all ways, not just your physical body.
But we prayed to our God and guarded the city day and night to protect ourselves.
Nehemiah 4:9
Nehemiah 4:9
Seems so many things in our faith can be traced back to Nehemiah's practice here. We pray and spend time with the Lord each morning, afternoon, and evening, yet we also choose to be in hot pursuit of holiness, or what may appear to some as "rules". Our love for the Lord urges us to do so.
I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.
Psalm 101:3
We have really eliminated the secular media in our home in most ways. We have this blog and an Instagram account that we can use to share part of our lives with those we love in a very "photo album" sort of way, and we have a few television shows that Jonathan and I are interested in, plus access to the news, and every once in a while an occasional movie, although sadly enough we really can't find any films that spark our interest anymore, and being that we both have a love of film, it's hard. But it is what it is. Worthless entertainment doesn't need our time anyway, and gradually that obedience is followed by the emotion. The people that control what the masses want to see aren't taking into consideration holiness for God, sooooo that about sums it up over here.
But part of posting a guard, or not viewing things that are worthless, is that the void of that then is filled with things that are lovely, pure, wholesome. And we know whatever a man thinks on is what he believes. So we have seen the fruit of that.
By turning my eyes upward, and protecting the images that influence my mind's eye view of myself, it never occurs to me that I have some sort of standard to meet. That discipline came first in my life, and now I see that my feelings about it have followed. I know what my standard is.
Do I have a conviction in my heart from the Lord that I am not taking care of myself by eating well and spending time exercising? Sometimes I do. And I work to correct that right away.
Do I have a conviction in my heart that I am loving the world's standard of beauty? Perhaps I will feel a part of that rise up in me sometimes. But I have noticed that I don't care what part of a body is en vogue to accentuate, nor do I particularly find the obsession women have with having not a blemish, or wrinkle on their entire bodies a great one. Mercy! Our bodies are returning to dust! So no, the answer is that I have seen that die in me. Our story starts with me recognizing to my husband that it has died. The Lord has done work on me, and I want to assess the fruit and keep growing more!
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the
putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your
adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
1 Peter 3:3-4
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If you are married, your intimacy with your husband will be so beautifully affected by these heart changes. Some things should be between us and so for discretion, elaboration is not needed, but the truth is, what God has done with us in our intimacy encourages, humbles me, and draws me closer to the Lord. If our sex obsessed culture knew what intimacy was in God's design, that might be enough to change their hearts toward Him. I'm not even joking.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:7
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I think the most grievous part is what happens in the community among women. We are so busy in bondage to everything else, that we have no time or ability to pour out of ourselves. This is such a time waster! Let us not focus on all of this garbage! In fact, I didn't even REALIZE that the Lord was changing this in me. I was just seeking Him for who He is and this was the natural outpouring of it. Hallelujah! Not another program!
Let us instead spur each other on in spending time at the feet of Jesus, the only place that brings about the heart change. Let's be about the business of maturing in Christ, so that we look different to this alien world of ours. Trust HIM to complete the process in you.
My heart aches for this, and Hebrews comes to mind. I believe I actually am understanding this in a whole new light now.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Dear Jesus,
Lord, your hand has done this. I'm humbled by You. The more I run to you, the more you change me. I read "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the
imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight
is very precious." in 1 Peter 3:4 and I SEE how you have made that happen in me.
You know I want to have all these things written down as a prover of who YOU are and YOUR love and faithfulness. Help me always, help us always, to please you. Help us to be a testimony to your goodness. Keep our hearts at your feet, our ears perked to hear what you would teach us, and give us compassion and love to share with others the things that you are faithfully doing. I'm humbled by You.
All my love,
Sarah
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
Psalm 73:28
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I taught myself to crochet this spring. It's pretty simple to start with the wealth of knowledge out there at your fingertips. There are literally millions of video tutorials, and entire boards of people (thanks ravelry.com!) that are easy to access and great coaches for someone that knows practically no crocheters. But to start, get this: Jonathan just bought me a book. And I read it!
I periodically joke, now that I am on my third blanket and continually learning new things, that I have turned into a grandma at the ripe old age of 33! Jonathan says he loves it, and finds it so sweet. We are old souls meant for one another I can confidently say.
Besides the art of crochet, I've been studying a handful of other things. The Lord has been teaching me in a few areas of my life at once, but I'm surprised and not surprised at the same time. Women tend to relate everything in their minds, hearts, and souls. So, why would this be any different? Yet, with me, I have always seen specific studies be compartmentalized. So, I'm in new territory myself.
The Lord is doing this because I have made the place for it. I have made my life, my heart, and my soul still, quiet before Him everyday. It's the ultimate act of love, and the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my walk with Him, save saying "yes" to the God I love. And I'm aching to spill it out to anyone that comes near me. How could I not? Life changing things create a fire and a passion to share with others in hopes that they too may experience growth!
The problem is that my spilling isn't a system. It isn't "Five Steps to Life Change!", although there certainly would be common "steps" if we all executed this concept. No, if anything I find that the man made ideas of systems which have so eloquently pervaded the church atmosphere as well, mostly to our detriment, cause much division. They cause issues. They help sometimes. No system here, per se, It's just spending dedicated time to study the Word everyday, to meditate and pray quietly waiting to hear from the Lord, and to turn off all the craziness of life in order to abide in Him, to give Him the first spot. That means the car rides are pretty quiet, my home is quiet with the exception of some music or a Rogers every once in a while, my life, in general, is quiet.
Back in the old days of this blog, years ago, I had a few entries about the things the Holy Spirit was starting to teach me as a homemaker and mother. Things like John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the
world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Verses like that one, and others helped set a foundation in my life of reliance on the ONE who knows me, my children, and our circumstances much better than we do ourselves. Allowing complete obedience to overspread our home and trust in the Almighty to penetrate our hearts produced compelling life change, and gave me much confidence. Not in myself, no my (our!) confidence came because we knew we had waved the white flag of surrender. We had given up our lives, really before we ever started. And this trust and obedience in the Lord gave Him nothing but malleable clay. Hallelujah!
So how did I get to granny status?!
That ultimate act of love I was referring to above has led me to the quiet still places where HE IS. Our Lord is counter cultural in all ways. We are aliens, remember? He tells us that (see John 15:18-19, John 17:16, and Philippians 3:20.)
That spirit of the world tries so hard to come in and influence us, but working diligently at a tender conscience at His feet will lead you to the places of security and trust. The places where He meets all your needs, changes your life, and leads you through the straight paths. When everything around you says the crooked path, and when all your logic defies, HE will show you why He is in control.
We are the most educated generation of women that has ever lived. Yet, with all that education, we fail to do what needs to be done with it: put it before the Almighty, and test it in His Word.
Rarely do I put such a large passage of Scripture in an entry, but Titus 2 has been a drum beat in my heart as I see God's promises becoming true. And I see how this requires you to change what you think you should be doing every day.
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. 7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, 8 and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. 9 Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, 10 not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, 13 waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
15 Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.
I am seeing what a life that is reverent in behavior looks like. The definition of reverence is an outward manifestation or a gesture, a feeling, and attitude of deep respect tinged with awe and veneration. Is this true for me? Lord, make it ever true. Grow the roots of my heart so deep into the soil of pleasing you, fearing you, that this is always evident. If someone can look at you and see a love for the world, you do not carry reverence in an outward manifestation.
Am I a slanderer? Well, do you say things about other folks that are untrue or make them look poorly?
Am I slave to wine? Do you even appear to be a lover of wine? Quite frankly I stumble on so many folks that evidently haven't read Romans 14 lately, and want to flaunt their "liberty to drink". They broadcast it with pictures, some prominent women flaunt it in the books they write, and others use it sparingly, but know in their hearts that they look forward to every glass. Oh dear.
Am I teaching what is good, training younger women to love their husbands and children? I may not have gray hair, but I do not escape this exhortation! Women younger than me should be able to look to my life as one that lines up with this passage. Do I say disparaging things about the people in my family? Do I mock my children's behavior online, or to others? Do I undercut my husband, or laugh at jokes in which he, or men in general, are the butt of it? That is not pleasing to the Lord God.
Am I self controlled? The last 6 months I have seen the Lord teaching me self control in new, deep ways. It's been so kind of Him, and encouraging, and at a pace that I can follow. Thank you, Lord.
What about purity? Purity has come to my attention in a whole new way, and I long for it!
Do I work in my home? Working at home has become my joy and passion. In a sea of women that complain about their work at home, that escape it for something "more important" (what a lie from the devil himself!) or, even the ones who can't because of the choices they have made or are making, I long to urge them to ask the Lord for this gift. The gift of working at home. Scripture asserts that you should, and you can trust that source as the highest and greatest.
Am I kind? Am I submissive?
Am I living a life that is being trained to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions while I wait on Him to return? The answer to this is "yes." I can say that my lifestyle does this, and I boast in the Lord.
I want this so badly for all the women I come in contact with. Just desperately. I want them to become free from the spirit of the world that has brought them to a place of slavery in their lives. The examples of this are numerous. They morph into all sorts of forms that only the obedient heart will be able to see. A tender heart toward the Lord will immediately sense the Holy Spirit saying "This is not the way, I long to show you a better way." And speaking as a reformed career woman, He does.
The mothering debates are deep, and hurtful to many, causing all sorts of pain. What isn't a debate is the need we all have to surrender our minds, hearts, and souls to spending quality time with the Lord. And if you don't have it in your current life, Jesus will change everything about you in order to get that time with you, because he desperately loves you.
Let me say that again: HE DESPERATELY LOVES YOU, HE WANTS YOU. He wants your time, your life, your everything. And He is able to be trusted with it. He will protect those who live under the shadow of the Almighty. He will provide for the one who sits at His right hand. He will lead the one that will not lead themselves, and He will love you better than you could ever imagine.
So, will I follow verse 15 declaring these things, exhorting and rebuking with all authority? Yes.
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I'm embarrassed that my own worldly influences have been shown here, and I need to repent.
Proverbs 16:31 says that "a gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness." and here I am joking about being a granny. It's something to aspire to.
See? Our God is counter-cultural.
Oh Lord,
What depths to you. How I long to be there. This world has nothing for me. Help me. Help me run harder, love deeper, and be an example to those that do not know you in every way. I trust you in all things, for you didn't have to prove yourself to me, yet you do, over and over, that you are my all in all.
All my love,
Sarah
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
A
gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness.
- See more at:
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Aging#sthash.ffFsmLkO.dpuf
"that they may know that you alone, whose name is the LORD, are the Most High over all the earth."
-Psalm 83:18
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This morning at 8:30am, Evelyn said "hello" followed by "Mommy can we go swimming?" The amount of time we spend outside leads me to believe that they have inherited their father's love of swimming! We said goodbye to daddy, and packed up snacks before heading out to the backyard. The new house has a pool, which could admittedly be a large source of stress, but Jonathan and I spent time in prayer about it before we purchased the home, and we use our brains to make good decisions about pool safety.After putting the oldest three in their puddle jumpers I got Jack in his suit and lathered up that fair skin of his, before setting him down to monkey crawl, his newest form of movement that surely will just proceed the inevitable walking. Jack wants to be big SO BADLY. Can you blame him? I'm sure he must want to do everything the older three do. They always look like they are having such a blast! Today I watched as he monkeyed over to his shallow end and saw as he stopped just short of it to turn himself around and lower himself down into it. The problem is, he had spotted the first row of diamond tiles, not the top row which make up the boundary of the shallow end. I saw him thinking he had made it to his pool, so I yelled "Not there, Jack! No no no!" but he had already determined in his mind that it was safe and let go. I snatched him out of the water a split second after he was completely submerged. I think he actually found it fun. Sigh.
Vivien said "Mommy, did Jack die?" I explained to her that he could have died because he was in water and he didn't know how to swim yet. We talked about the rules of our pool again (I'm sure they are so tired of it!), and we touched on how sad mommy would be if one of the kiddos went to be with Jesus and left us, how much we would miss them.
Shortly thereafter, I put Jack down for his morning nap and sent Jonathan a text to tell him the story. He sent me back this:
These situations are WHY I trust the Lord implicitly with our children. Nothing happens apart from Him knowing it and allowing it.
Jonathan admitted that he thought to tell me beforehand, but thought he might sound worrisome and that he wanted to trust the Lord. And look at this beautiful testimony we got out of not worrying, just waiting. Jonathan joined in with the Lord in prayer instead of saying something to me, and I experienced that prompting of the Lord in the situation and the PEACE that comes with knowing He will alert us to what we need to know.
This is the most powerful testimony of a person who walks with God: the ability to put full trust in the hands that hold the world. All I must do is use wisdom, trust Him, and LISTEN as He prompts us. To listen, I must be quiet in my heart. I must shut out the things that drown His still small voice, and receive with an open heart.
Elisabeth Elliot writes in "Be Still My Soul":
"The longer I live, the more fully I become convinced that the Lord is in charge of everything on this complicated Earth and that nothing happens without His permission. It's one of the great advantages of old age to be so completely sure of that. God Almighty is sovereign. He is the One who is paramount, autonomous, unlimited, supreme, all-loving, the absolute ruler of everything.
It seems to me to me that our modern church life, with its emphasis on cozy friendship with God, has deprived us somewhat of an awe-filled appreciation for His sovereignty. It's not that we take issue with it exactly. We recognize His hand at work at startling or spectacular moments...However, as we plod through the ordinary middle ground of our lives, the long distances between the punctuations marks of exultation and desolation, we fail to appreciate God's sovereignty."
But we don't have to fail to appreciate it. Choose to trust and obey, to listen and be obedient, and see how the Lord will walk in close friendship with you, how He will prompt your spirit to be sensitive to His leading. In our family, He is leading us to pray. We may not have the resources or the abilities to go out and do, but we certainly can stay in and pray. Jesus did nothing apart from the Father's leading in prayer. Why should we be any different?
Thank you, Lord, for allowing us to be apart of what you are doing in our family by joining you in prayer. Thank you for speaking to us as we take the steps to make you the loudest voice we hear. Thank you for entrusting us with so much, and giving us strength to steward it all everyday. We love you Jesus. Apart from you, we are nothing.
All my love,
Sarah
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don't get tied up again in slavery to the law.
Galatians 5:1
After Jonathan and I were married, my Father in law asked me very graciously one night if I wondered if I would ever return to a lifestyle of drug abuse. Among other dumb behaviors, all rooting themselves in my desire to live life to the fullest apart from God, I abused drugs for a few years- hard drugs- before I gave my life to Christ. I appreciated the question, and I was excited to tell him no.
I'm not surprised in the least bit that He asked. The old adage "but for the grace of God there go I", comes to mind, but I KNOW that my love and passion and relationship with Jesus is so deeply rooted in what He and I have, that I would rather die physically than wound my Savior.
That's the sort of devotion that flows from a heart that has been set free. How can I not pledge such allegiance to the Lord after what He has done? I spent a handful of years of screwing it up, so I had to spend a handful of years fixing it. It's not a quick prayer and "move on" type of deal. I talked through many things with my amazing mother, who had been set free from lots of generational sin in her own life, but mostly I worked at it with the Lord.
For me, I spent many years crying out in prayer and worship, and practically writing. Writing A LOT (and in almost illegible handwriting.) I also read my Bible like a desert castaway who had stumbled upon the oasis.
Everyone needs the Holy Spirit to walk with them and counsel them through those places. He must be first. I had friends, I knew people, but you know who was with
me in every moment? Jesus. He was there. And I gave Him the place to
be my best friend.
So, truth be told, to me it doesn't sound hard.
Okay, it's hard in that it takes time, and work, and surrender on your part. More surrender than just "Jesus you are the Lord of my life" The end.
And that's why I find myself writing today.
I'm in shock. Almost everywhere I turn these days, I see professing Christians in bondage. And I'm so sad. It's starting to weigh down my heart like an anvil to a balloon, and I'm desperate for change, and for hope. It's like we have discounted the healing power of the very one who IS The Great Healer: Our Lord. Either that or the people I know that say they love Jesus, don't know Him.
To the ones of us that do, do we not trust Him to break us into a million pieces so that He can rebuild us into the vessel He wants us to be?
According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.
1 Corinthians 3:10-15
I read that passage and I picture all these foundations without much to speak of on top. Or perhaps a house is there, but it looks ready to collapse. My heart aches for these ones! This is why we so desperately need to disciple: to have someone come along and actually lead them through this stuff, to help stand along side them as they pursue and mature in Christ. Maturing in Christ means reading your Bible, meditating on what the Holy Spirit would lead you to do, and standing firm on God's promises. When you have enough of that in you, there's no room for any waste to fit in there.
For example, a dear friend of mine is going through a crisis that is threatening to tear up her marriage.
But it's awesome.
Last night I spent two hours on the phone with her listening to the proclamations of what the Lord is doing. The couple had built up a house that is being burnt up now, and the Lord is leading them afresh. Both sets of eyes not on each other or the world, but on Him.
We would giggle out of sheer emotional release at what a crazy month it has been. We would cry, but KNOW what the other was going through or had been through, and it was life changing. I still can't believe my friend. She is like a new person. It's the trademark of a person who has truly encountered Christ, and I'm so excited to see it happening!!!! She and her husband desired, prayed for the Lord to change them to be more like HIM. And that's all it took. Over a course of two years or so, He brought them LOW, so that He could rebuild. And it's just so awesome!!!!! We were both in crying laughter last night over the hard parts bringing such relief. I'm ENCOURAGED just walking next to her, encouraging her in my own freedom journey. But they are owning it, their sin, and they are working it to God, and He is giving them Scripture and changing their lives with His NEARNESS.
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17
I, as well as others, can testify to these types of goodness.
I YEARN for that freedom in the lives of other believers!!! Christians!!!! HOW WILL THE WORLD SEE WE ARE DIFFERENT IF WE LIVE IN THE SAME BONDAGE AS THOSE APART FROM CHRIST?!?!
I know plenty of women who can't get past their physical body as their source of worth. They go to extremes to feel fulfilled. I can speak to that. I was once in that place myself. Oh what I wouldn't give to say to each and every one of them "Take care of your vessel, but ultimately, when you do something extreme you miss the secret that the Lord has for you in what HE can give, after all HE made you! (And, for some of you, the intimate place of a Christ focused marriage and the TREASURE that it is.) You fall prey to what the world thinks is beautiful, and you look like the world." It's heartbreaking to me. You give up something awe inspiring in the journey with the Lord, for something that's just good: your quick fix.You lose the chance to REALLY walk in FREEDOM! Oh, Jesus! Help us! Make us tender to hear your leading!
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31:25, 30
My husband is another great example...although he never did drugs, he had his own sins and struggled with depression. But the Lord set Him free. He fell more in love with pleasing Jesus than He did himself, and I have seen that manifest itself in every area of his life, of our life. Put up all the guards you want, until you are free from the addiction, until the Lord changes your source, it's only a matter of time before you fall again. Run hard after Jesus. There isn't room for His Spirit and your bondage.
And a brief word about sex and marriage: we were two broken cases. We were set up to fail, but we kept our marriage at the foot of the cross, we guard our eyes, and then we thank God for reprogramming our brains. Because over the past almost 5 years, that's what has happened. Two people who came with very corrupt views and backgrounds LONG to shout from the rooftops how God has taught us the ways that intimacy is a pure expression of love and not a performance for your spouse. It isn't about all the "show". Don't copy THE WORLD! Seek HIS ways, and HE WILL NOT HIDE FROM YOU!!!!!
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I wonder if I sound too cavalier? If I do it is because I am on the other side of my healing. All of this passion for truth came through great pain. Sin causes pain, so I am rejoicing in being restored.
Sometimes I look at our children and I wonder if they will stray one day. I know they are all sinners. But I wonder how that will manifest. I trust the Lord. He works it all together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Oh Jesus, how I long for everyone to experience your goodness in the building of their lives. I know my heart is merely a dim reflection of what YOU feel for all of us. Help us to run faster after you. Harder after your ways. Help us to be more like YOU, and less like ourselves. Teach us the paths of righteousness.
All my love...Sarah
“Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is.”
-Amy Carmichael
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Last night as I was about to fall asleep, The Lord spoke to me. He (not audibly, just in my mind) said "Go check the doors."
Because I knew it was Him, and not my own thoughts, I slowly got up and went to the garage door. Locked. Front door? Not only was it unlocked, it was actually AJAR. The air sort of escaped my lungs at the shock of seeing it there open at midnight, and I scanned my mind thinking "how did this happen?" I could only recall leaving through the front door once all day, and it was ME. The door is too heavy and awkward for the kids to open.
So I locked it, retreated to our bed and whispered to an almost asleep Jonathan what had just happened. He retorted something sweetly sassy, an offering of thanks to God for the heads up, and we drifted off. I laid awake to ponder it some, and this morning woke with a fresh thankfulness in His faithfulness in moments like those.
One of the most frequent comments people offer up at the sight of our little crew (after declaring their inability to attempt having many children!), is that God must have made me a special mother (or something weird like that.) And while I agree, I don't think it is anything that He wouldn't do for any woman. While He does have different things for us in life, having children is not an unclear topic in the Word. The reason God asks us to go forth and have many children is because it changes us to be more like Him. We understand His heart better. We embrace and over time, come to know joy like a deep flowing wellspring in our lives because HE does the work. Very little in life affords us this opportunity like having many children does. It FORCES you to make the decisions that align with God's heart in matters. It's a beautiful thing. Beautiful, beautiful thing. The more you give up, the more you get. Oh, Jesus, thank you.
Practically, having a lot of children makes you stop losing your mind over the control. If it's one thing I see over and over, it's the need for control. Having many forces you to trust Jesus for the lives and well being of your children. He gave them to us, so I naturally turn right around and offer that back to Him, amen? Father, your will, not my own. Give me ears to hear what to do, and I will do it.
This is essentially what led us to making some changes in our lives to acquire those ears. About six months ago I made my life, our life, the most quiet it's ever been. I know, with four children and one on the way, how can my life be quiet, right? It's quiet from the wrong noise.
I was weary of the discussions online, the places in which my passions for the truth of God were not received had tired me, and I realized through a course of events that my time had become my most valuable asset, and my world needed to shrink. Besides, using a God given gift wrongly is about the same as just not using it at all. Wasteful.
It was a bit painful, because I genuinely miss a great deal of people and the sort of connectedness I could experience, but it has encouraged me to forge more authentic relationships with a few, instead of shallow relationships with many. And now that I am this far, I don't want to go back.
Most importantly I was ready to spend even more time with the Lord. Those ears, Lord. I want to hear. And I can see how He has honored that.
It's a discipline. That relationship that is so comfortable that you want to spend time with them constantly? Most of us can only say that about a spouse. Potentially a life long friend? It's a small opening, and I wanted the Lord to fill it.
Getting time to meditate on His precepts, and to study His Word is a blessing. A life changing, intimate, blessing. It's sweet like honey. I had tasted His leading the past four years in a new way, as a mother, but I was ready for it to be more.
Perhaps I am the only one who gets so distracted by things that I can't hear the still, small voice? But the Word says that His voice is "still, and small." How counter cultural our God is. Our world wants "FAST, AND BIG!" Louder, says the masses! But our Lord is not in the business of conforming to the world.
So you must live as God's obedient children. Don't slip back into your old ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn't know any better then. But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, "You must be holy because I am holy."
I Peter 1:14-16
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| dandelion picking in the new backyard. |
Some of the things my children do irritate me more than other things, and of course I am working through those accordingly. A couple of months ago I was out in the back yard with my husband and father working on a few yard projects. We were chopping down some trees, actually, but when we were through there, the shovels came out and I turned to my father to ask him what I could do next. He said, "Don't bother to dig, Sarah. It's mud, it's too heavy, and your husband and I will handle it." With that he turned and walked away.
So, as I watched his back headed towards our home to retrieve something else out of the workshop, I grabbed the shovel up off the ground and stuck it deep into the wet ground. Pushing with my foot, the Holy Spirit whispered to me "You didn't listen to your father. You had to see for yourself. And this is the very same behavior that drives you crazy in your Evelyn." I laughed out of surprise, and shock.
Oh dear. Here I am, 33 years old, and I didn't obey my dad. I know my father! He wasn't trying to hurt me. He was just telling me the truth: I'm pregnant, and not the right person to be digging up the soil in our backyard. That's for the men! He wasn't even cruel about it, he just told me the truth. Yet, I had to try it myself. My heart softened toward my daughter in a new way that day, a way that only the very Spirit of God can work.
I used to tell the teenage crowds that I would educate on sex that there are two types of people: Those who can hear the experiences of others and learn, and those who had to do things themselves.
Sigh.
It's not shocking that our children are sinners. Good heavens. It's not even shocking that they repeat our sin. I guess I just wish I knew some way to reach that. I'm working on it. And I'm thankful to the Lord for showing me these things in His great effort to continue to mold me into the mother, and woman that He wants me to be. More love, more grace, more holiness. They all work together.
We miss God's biggest blessings when we satisfy our own desires. I am convinced that those desires are generally not bad, they are just not God's best.
I'll give you an example. We have lived here for almost four months now and still haven't purchased a particular piece of furniture for our main living area. I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for, but a few pieces came and went as close to what I was looking for.
After all this time, I had grown to look at the spot in the room, that needed something to cover the once open wall now just boarded, with a bit of dismay. How could anything ever look right? A few days ago, Uncle Scott brought home the perfect piece for us...for free.
I could have purchased something a few times over the past few months, but by waiting on the Lord and just offering it up to Him and His timing, we received not only the sweet blessing of the right piece (it fits perfect!), but also at the right price.
And it has been that way with so many things. The very home we live in is the embodiment of this concept. If we try to solve it first, or get impatient and get ahead of God, we will still probably end up with something good, something that works. But if we wait on Him, and offer it all up to Him, we get the fullness of His plan.
I don't want second best. I want all of His perfect best will.
So then I continue to turn down the noise, the funky stuff, the waste of time, instead choosing to pursue the will of the One who knows it all, and certainly knows me better than myself (See Psalm 139!) Please understand that it is an act of self sacrifice, and of self denial. If you don't practice those two things daily, then like Amy Carmichael once said "You know nothing of Calvary's love". She's right. Painfully so, but right nonetheless.
Oh Lord, I love you. Thank you for helping me be more like you. I want all of the other stuff out, and everything that is your best and perfect will here. And continue to help me understand the sacrificial love that you gave, and the humility that is required to be a servant of the Most High.
All my love,
Sarah
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
-Philippians 2:1-11
The majority of this verse is my husband's favorite passage in Scripture. Quite frankly, even though it is boldly hanging above our living room mantle, I don't think it has ever struck me as deep as it has this past week.
The GOSPEL. It is the very cornerstone of the faith of a Christian, correct? The Gospel message should be our only hope. In essence our lives should emulate a working gospel, if in fact that is what we believe.
Yet as of late, I frequently find myself amidst deep Christian-driven situations in which the gospel is absent, or perhaps present yet only a partial part of the picture. What?! Why?
The big scandal this week was the Duggar family and their eldest son's childhood sins. The world has been waiting to devour the Duggars at their first hiccup. Someone finally dug deep enough and far enough back to uncover the very thing that led this young boy to the knowledge of his depravity, and thusly uncovered his desperate need for a Savior. After all the facts were established from the accusers AND the accused, I waited to hear the response of the family. I felt that this would be the hour of hours to assert the message of the gospel. And they did, in part. But only in part. No one mentioned the name of Jesus. Josh called his actions inexcusable, and the parents cited their shock at their sons behavior, that they thought they had raised him better than that, but no one asserted the message of the gospel in the power of the name of Jesus.
And that was where I felt the most disappointment. Josh could've come out saying "Everyone THIS IS WHEN I REALIZED I NEEDED JESUS!!!! I NEEDED JESUS!!!! Even though I was raised with all the 'right' behavior modifications, and the best rules, and love and support (that the whole world makes fun of and calls us freaks over)- I NEEDED JESUS! AND I STILL NEED JESUS! Today MORE THAN EVER!"
And then for Michelle and Jim Bob, shock? Why are you shocked that your kids are sinners? Isn't that what you need saving from? Your SIN?! Sure, I believe that they were shocked at what the actual sin was, but to be shocked that your child sinned, even to that depth, is all the more reason to reexamine and promote your desperate need for a Savior.
We are huge Duggar fans here, so this isn't an attempt to wound them further, but I am admitting my sadness over the public statements that were issued. This is why it is so important to RIGHTLY understand THE GOSPEL.
And that's what my heart consistently grieves over in the Christian culture. Every time I see the emphasis being on a set of "things we can do" or "cliches to remember", I feel saddened that we have forgotten the basics. We cheapen ourselves to a worldly system with a cute little "Christ bow" on it, and we defame Him. We take His glory. We miss the gospel message.
Do you think you are so holy? "But for the grace of God there go you." (1 Corinthians 15:10) And that grace was COSTLY. It costs Christ HIS VERY LIFE. Please don't forget the reverence that He is due.
Marriage trouble? Well what does the Bible say? Above, it points out that Christ humbled himself to the point of death. And that HIS MIND was to be lowly.
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus..."
Stop elevating your needs above your spouse. Stop trying to "self help" yourself into oblivion. Stop trying to make it be about YOU, and make it be more about HIM. Jesus! When you are doing all of your feeling, pick up your Bible and ask the Lord to show you in Scripture what HE THINKS. Let Him show you what you *ought* to be feeling. Get on your knees and ask for lowliness of mind, for a humble spirit, the very mind of Christ Jesus.
If we truly have received the mind of Christ, why are we not less selfish?
It's because we are worldly. Our world is fueled by self promotion. This is the essence of success. But what arena are you succeeding in? What arena really matters? Feed your Spirit, not your flesh. The Bible reminds us not to fear man, not to fear those that can kill the body, but to fear the One that can kill your soul. (Gal 1:10, Matt 10:28)
Do you want to be a better friend? Consider others better than yourself. How about a better roommate? Ask the Lord to prompt you in your spirit that you are LESS THAN. The very essence of life led by the King of glory is one in which every bit of you yearns to glorify HIM, and not yourself. You can't will yourself to do that, so when you pray that way, when you ask to be that, The Lord will change you. He will give you that. But He only goes until you say "Stop."
Don't say "Stop."
In pain, in hardship, the well grows deeper, the water cooler and sweeter, and the wisdom from Him paints the very depths of what it means to abide. Your filter changes, your needs change, your desires change, it all changes.
It's funny because in the midst of all these failed attempts to preach a glorified an unadulterated gospel, the Lord is moving deeply and profoundly in the lives of one of my dearest friends. Her life is falling apart, to be put back for Christ. And as I see all the outward "shows" of being "good Christians" around me, I find that the place that looks the messiest: her life: is being lived for Christ the most. Her eyes are open, she has ears to hear. It gives me chills and makes my heart race to hear the glorious things that God is doing daily, even hourly, in her situation. I'm humbled that the Lord is allowing me to be ENCOURAGED by His might in the midst of sorrow. It's just beautiful, and a testimony that will encourage many for years and years to come.
You know what this is? Americans, people, can smell a phony from a mile away. We want AUTHENTICITY. Desperately. We desperately want the power of God, and to see Him move and be real. Non Christians want it just as much as professing believers. Let's be authentic in our need for the gospel, yes? People want the truth so badly because it is a reflection of our Creator in us. "God desires truth in the innermost parts" (Psalm 51:6) and "He resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."(James 4:6) That yearning in you is God given.
In our family, we seek to center ourselves around the gospel of Jesus. ALL OF US. And for Jonathan and I to lead by example in that, we need to run the hardest after it. Our children should have to chase down the gospel themselves in order to understand why their parents live the way they do. "Oh Jesus, help me grow in this more. Help me be more like you. Not by my might, not by my power, but by YOUR SPIRIT Oh Lord."
-Sarah
Well, hello there Blog! How have you been? I know it's been quite a while since I posted an update...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. We've had a lot going on, and I couldn't just quite seem to sit down and write.
To prove to you how badly I wanted to update you, and couldn't wait another day, please take exhibit A: our "office". It gets a "" because how can you call a room with filled with all sorts of unpacked nonsense, brown curtains up over the windows like we're hiding something, a crib, PILES of paperwork, and, oh yeah, a desk with a computer on it, AN OFFICE?! It's been like THAT, Blog, please understand. I cannot make a case that this room looks any different than the day we moved in two months ago. What can I say, the squeaky wheel always seems to get the grease....
And then there's the morning sickness. Which is actually more like all day queasiness plus fatigue. You know, the sickness that guilts you into feeling like the laziest mom, zaps your desire to shower, and keeps you from doing dishes, like, ever? Yeah, that little buddy brings the promise of a sweet new member to our family, reminding me that I am WEAK and in need of HIS STRENGTH.
So, in an attempt at self discipline this morning, I read Vivien the fancy homeschool books, and while congratulating myself on actually doing something well, I noticed the abysmal condition of the bottoms of my feet. Goodness. I about gagged. It's just THAT LIFE right now. We're powering through ;)
I am poking fun at myself, but I have to admit, I really have seen a lot of growth. I can remember (since it wasn't too long ago) before Vivien my thoughts on motherhood, my physical condition, and I can see a big difference between then and now. Good thing I have a blog I can go back and read ;)
One thing no one really shouts from the rooftops in the whole "motherhood is such an amazing journey" thing, is that I am finding to do it well, it requires a very self sacrificial attitude. I know that sounds over simplified, or perhaps it's "DUH!" What else you got for me? But, it's one of those concepts like "Training for a triathlon is hard!" or "Losing 50 pounds is hard!" It's a long process that requires lots of denial of self. I just don't think I am living in a culture that really grasps denial of self. I mean, I know I'm not. Heck, even other women that love the Lord used to get after me about "me time". How I needed "me time". And I thought, yes, they are right! To make myself a better mother, I need more ME TIME!!!! Wrong. So, so, so wrong. Let me caveat this by saying, I am not scorning time spent alone (um, hello, I'm alone right now while all of my children nap), rather, what I have picked up on is that a day to day balance can easily be reached, after the Lord really changes your heart for what "me time" is. I mean, I find that what fuels me the most is time with my Father. But, it has been a process. I used to really need to get out. Now I find when I do, I'm out of touch with what "fun" is...and I would rather be at home with my family. And also hear this, I so enjoy a simple date with my spouse. It's nice to laugh and cut up and remember why we will be crazy about each other forever.......but then again, we have five kids, we don't struggle with finding alone time. We MAKE it.
And so I think trusting God with the amount of children in your family ends up being the biggest flag we wave that we love Jesus, else who would possibly self sacrifice that much?!
And the Lord has been meeting me as He teaches me that HE does, and He wants ME to. I can feel Him quietly in my midst in the days here. Giving me strength when I have to repeat myself one extra time because my little fireball of a two year old didn't hear me again. And I can feel His sweet conviction when I have a moment I wish I would've handled differently. But it's kindly bringing me to repentance and kindly showing His heart to my children.
What a blessing it is to stay at home with our children.
I can't say that I have ever done anything to show me the heart of my Father like I have mothering. Oh mercy! It begs me to forget myself, and to lean on Him through which all things are possible (yes! even those mundane tasks!) And in my complete and utter weaknesses, He is strong. He gives me peace to let things lie that can wait, and encourages my Spirit to work as if unto Him on the things that I have no desire to tackle. What waits at the other side of a job well done is an assurance that He made it happen. How can I ever be made strong in Him if I am never weak?
Weakness has come in the form of four little ones and one more on the way. I joke with anyone who listens that I prefer a belly to the constant rocking of that first trimester boat, but I am thankful bottom line, that the Lord has blessed us with another. He is gracious.
So what if the office is entering its third month of disarray? Who cares if the basement is such a disaster that even I feel overwhelmed? It's not a big deal that the kids rooms aren't organized well at this point, just well enough. It'll work itself out soon. And The Lord is the one who keeps giving me the grace and the orders every day. Hallelujah, my Lord, you are my ROCK and MY FORTRESS, MY GOD IN WHOM I TRUST.
Finally, today this Good Friday, was a great platform to talk with our children about Resurrection Sunday approaching...or, as everyone calls it: Easter. We talked about sin and drew out little cards depicting our sins. We talked about bad attitudes, hitting, or being unkind, and that Jesus died for those. Then we put them on a cross. What does the weight of that mean to them? I don't know. Probably very little right now. But it wasn't cheap grace, it cost our Lord HIS LIFE. Thank you Father for dying for me. Jesus, you paid it all.
Let's keep remembering what it's all about, shall we? To know Him and to make Him known? Keep running after Him through meditating and praying His Word.
Have a Blessed Good Friday!
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