Well, hello there Blog! How have you been? I know it's been quite a while since I posted an update...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. We've had a lot going on, and I couldn't just quite seem to sit down and write.
To prove to you how badly I wanted to update you, and couldn't wait another day, please take exhibit A: our "office". It gets a "" because how can you call a room with filled with all sorts of unpacked nonsense, brown curtains up over the windows like we're hiding something, a crib, PILES of paperwork, and, oh yeah, a desk with a computer on it, AN OFFICE?! It's been like THAT, Blog, please understand. I cannot make a case that this room looks any different than the day we moved in two months ago. What can I say, the squeaky wheel always seems to get the grease....
And then there's the morning sickness. Which is actually more like all day queasiness plus fatigue. You know, the sickness that guilts you into feeling like the laziest mom, zaps your desire to shower, and keeps you from doing dishes, like, ever? Yeah, that little buddy brings the promise of a sweet new member to our family, reminding me that I am WEAK and in need of HIS STRENGTH.
So, in an attempt at self discipline this morning, I read Vivien the fancy homeschool books, and while congratulating myself on actually doing something well, I noticed the abysmal condition of the bottoms of my feet. Goodness. I about gagged. It's just THAT LIFE right now. We're powering through ;)
I am poking fun at myself, but I have to admit, I really have seen a lot of growth. I can remember (since it wasn't too long ago) before Vivien my thoughts on motherhood, my physical condition, and I can see a big difference between then and now. Good thing I have a blog I can go back and read ;)
One thing no one really shouts from the rooftops in the whole "motherhood is such an amazing journey" thing, is that I am finding to do it well, it requires a very self sacrificial attitude. I know that sounds over simplified, or perhaps it's "DUH!" What else you got for me? But, it's one of those concepts like "Training for a triathlon is hard!" or "Losing 50 pounds is hard!" It's a long process that requires lots of denial of self. I just don't think I am living in a culture that really grasps denial of self. I mean, I know I'm not. Heck, even other women that love the Lord used to get after me about "me time". How I needed "me time". And I thought, yes, they are right! To make myself a better mother, I need more ME TIME!!!! Wrong. So, so, so wrong. Let me caveat this by saying, I am not scorning time spent alone (um, hello, I'm alone right now while all of my children nap), rather, what I have picked up on is that a day to day balance can easily be reached, after the Lord really changes your heart for what "me time" is. I mean, I find that what fuels me the most is time with my Father. But, it has been a process. I used to really need to get out. Now I find when I do, I'm out of touch with what "fun" is...and I would rather be at home with my family. And also hear this, I so enjoy a simple date with my spouse. It's nice to laugh and cut up and remember why we will be crazy about each other forever.......but then again, we have five kids, we don't struggle with finding alone time. We MAKE it.
And so I think trusting God with the amount of children in your family ends up being the biggest flag we wave that we love Jesus, else who would possibly self sacrifice that much?!
And the Lord has been meeting me as He teaches me that HE does, and He wants ME to. I can feel Him quietly in my midst in the days here. Giving me strength when I have to repeat myself one extra time because my little fireball of a two year old didn't hear me again. And I can feel His sweet conviction when I have a moment I wish I would've handled differently. But it's kindly bringing me to repentance and kindly showing His heart to my children.
What a blessing it is to stay at home with our children.
I can't say that I have ever done anything to show me the heart of my Father like I have mothering. Oh mercy! It begs me to forget myself, and to lean on Him through which all things are possible (yes! even those mundane tasks!) And in my complete and utter weaknesses, He is strong. He gives me peace to let things lie that can wait, and encourages my Spirit to work as if unto Him on the things that I have no desire to tackle. What waits at the other side of a job well done is an assurance that He made it happen. How can I ever be made strong in Him if I am never weak?
Weakness has come in the form of four little ones and one more on the way. I joke with anyone who listens that I prefer a belly to the constant rocking of that first trimester boat, but I am thankful bottom line, that the Lord has blessed us with another. He is gracious.
So what if the office is entering its third month of disarray? Who cares if the basement is such a disaster that even I feel overwhelmed? It's not a big deal that the kids rooms aren't organized well at this point, just well enough. It'll work itself out soon. And The Lord is the one who keeps giving me the grace and the orders every day. Hallelujah, my Lord, you are my ROCK and MY FORTRESS, MY GOD IN WHOM I TRUST.
Finally, today this Good Friday, was a great platform to talk with our children about Resurrection Sunday approaching...or, as everyone calls it: Easter. We talked about sin and drew out little cards depicting our sins. We talked about bad attitudes, hitting, or being unkind, and that Jesus died for those. Then we put them on a cross. What does the weight of that mean to them? I don't know. Probably very little right now. But it wasn't cheap grace, it cost our Lord HIS LIFE. Thank you Father for dying for me. Jesus, you paid it all.
Let's keep remembering what it's all about, shall we? To know Him and to make Him known? Keep running after Him through meditating and praying His Word.
Have a Blessed Good Friday!
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| Outtake of a Christmas Photo! Haha! |
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| Our 13 family members! |
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| Christmas present aftermath. |
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| Cousins! |
When our big kids inherited their own rooms, they also inherited their first places to store their TOYS. They all received toys (educational AND fantastical!) for Christmas, and we are unashamed to say how much FUN it was to watch! I could have cared less to open any gifts myself, the act of giving was so entirely fulfilling. Vivien can be heard referring to herself as Rapunzel in a castle, a ballerina, or a mommy most moments of the day. She can always be found in her Rapunzel dress, or a fairy costume. She is as girly as they come. It's precious.
Evelyn has two dedicated shelves in her new room (formerly Jack's nursery), and has already vehemently claimed her territory. She has her own green light strand (thanks for the late night grab, Home Depot!), and sleeps in her mother's former childhood poster bed. Talk about heavy moments for me? Tucking her in, her perfectly formed words, well ahead of a two year old's vocabulary, falling from her lips, and a quick kiss always choke me up. She loves Minnie Mouse, and Jonathan sounds off that it suits her, as she is her mother's mini. She also has been given the Merida line of princess "gear". It just seems so fitting, although it is worth noting that our girls have never actually seen any of the princess movies that these cartoons star in. Haha!
Elijah is looking for the months to speed up and for his brother to become his playmate and best friend. While he and Evelyn are thick as thieves, she desires to be best buddies with her older sister and he knows. Jack is a quick student, so it won't be long. Elijah is amused by all things cars, and he loves the set we gave him for Christmas. He laughed and laughed every time one of his little four wheeled machines traveled the spiral course. Before his nap today, I watched him trade his baby Emily for Spiderman, and surround himself with his new Elephant, and soccer ball. I wasn't allowed to leave until the bulldozer and excavator that cousin Jeremy sent were in view on his dresser. I suppose they aren't as fun to have on your pillow ;)
And Jack. Oh Jack. We joke that if you are crying, WE did something wrong (like step on you). If everyone had babies like you, there would be millions of children. People would have HUGE families. You are so even keeled, sweet as a chocolate candy, and content to meander around the big kids and their toys. Your every happiness is being held, kissed on, loved on, and fed. You LOVE to eat. Infant Vivien had an appetite like you do, so I have seen it before, yet I find myself amazed at the amount of grub you can scarf down. You've been crawling over a solid month now, and working on pulling up. You need to be upstairs with the big kids. I see it in your little eyes. I'm excited for you too, big boy. ;)
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| That present was labeled...accordingly. Thanks Uncle Scott! |
I have found center!!!! REJOICE!!!!
You know how most issues in life are approached with a pendulum swing attitude? You tend to lean too far in one direction, then too far in the other, and then you find that happy middle where you settle?
In the beginning of my parenting (like I am so far along, hah!) The Lord clearly spoke to me about defiance, and that it was okay to be angry at it. In fact, it was okay to show that anger to my kids. In a world where I was drowning in all the "Mommy advice" to be kind (even, forbidding that anger!), I was receiving words from the Lord through His Scripture that a defiant spirit does not please the Lord. And as a mother, it shouldn't be something that I should try not to feel.
So, I shared that information with a few of my trusted friends, and let it go. I tried to blog about it, but I felt like I didn't have a complete picture, and I didn't want to be misleading. In fact, I felt that it was a "Mary moment" of sorts and that I would mostly "ponder these things in my heart". (Christian cliche? check!) No, but really, I sensed more to the picture.
Recently the Lord really started speaking to me through Romans 2:4
"Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?"
Parenting questions? You know where to look...to the ultimate model of parenting, Our Father in Heaven through His Word.
The beginning of your life of faith was very narrow and intense, centered around a small amount of experience that had as much emotion as faith in it, and it was full of light and sweetness. Then God withdrew His conscious blessings to teach you to “walk by faith” (2 Corinthians 5:7). And you are worth much more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight with your thrilling testimony.
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, Oct. 31
Oh my.
This is true. This is so very true. It was like thunder clapped as I read this today. The beginning of my life of faith was very narrow and intense. It did center around my conversion experience which, being so very dramatic, was like being covered in mud and diving in a cool, clear blue sea. So much light. So much sweetness. Everything was beautiful because "I once was blind, but now I see!"
There did become a period of years in my life in which God was indeed taking care of me, but it wasn't prosperously. I was really having to dwell at his feet to get through each day. There was so much JOY though. I was JOYFUL to be without. I was ecstatic to live by faith for each week of food, for each legitimate need (and even wants!) to be met. I was ready to be hammered, molded, shaped, painful or not, to be more like my Jesus. God was working out His ways in me. Molding me, teaching me to rely on Him and Him alone. It was beautiful. The more I would empty myself, the more He would fill. I became so reliant on His guidance, that I never looked to the right or left. Only to my Father, eagerly soaking up every lesson He taught. I shared my testimony many times a week, with anyone who would hear. It was as much of a healing exercise to me as it was to encourage another. In your deepest, darkest hour, God knows. Submit to Him, He will rescue you.
"Because she loves me, I will rescue her" Psalm 91:14
One of my life verses.
And now I read that last sentence, "You are worth much more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight with your thrilling testimony."
I frequently see groups of people that theologically promote the idea that "you have to do something big for God." or that you "have to unlock what God's plan is for your life." It seems harmless enough, but I think it's lasting consequences are damaging. You see, I have never "unlocked God's plan for my life." I just loved my God, and He brought (is bringing) "the plan". They that seek those things, seek the gifts, and many times, not the giver. If that is in fact true, what happens is guilt in the life of the believer. Unrest. Confusion. It's complication of something simple.
Do you know what God's plan is? It is to walk humbly with Him, allowing Him to bring all you need. He says it in scripture! Be joyful always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, be sanctified. All of these can be found in 1 Thessalonians. Do your best to work unto the Lord, but He will never confuse you or hide from you. Can you be faithful in the little things, faithful in the process of your sanctification? For me, it's "Can I be faithful in loving my husband, raising up Godly children, loving others, just by living at the feet of the Lord?" I mean, I don't know about you, but that's enough of a task for a lifetime. I don't need to also move to another country, or go to seminary, or save the world. Not that any of those things are bad. Intrinsically, they are all good, but they are not all good for all of us.
What is your passion? That's probably what God has called you to do. And if you think that your passion is misplaced, allow Him to penetrate your heart with the Word, and wait on Him to bring what you should do.
Being in relationship with Jesus is not hard. It is hard in the sense that you have to fight for it. But what great relationship doesn't have a deep seated message of loyalty at its core? That's what we all want.
I am troubled when I see folks struggling with this. Overcomplicating the simple. If you can't hear from the Lord, perhaps its because you haven't learned your Master's communication with you. I would suggest slowing down your life. It's the single most important thing I ever did to continue to be in a meaningful relationship with Jesus.
My children know me. They know what it means to be in relationship with me because they spend every waking moment with me. This is how we should be with our Father.
That last sentence. "And you are worth much more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight with your thrilling testimony." It was such great encouragement for me. I live in the quiet now. I am not behind a podium speaking to crowds. I dwell in a little home with my children that the Lord has given me. And I love that. And it's the most wonderful thing to be able to persevere through the strength of my Father in this way. I feel more connected to Him, to his Heart, then I ever have.
Faith by its very nature must be tested and tried. And the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God’s character must be proven as trustworthy in our own minds. Faith being worked out into reality must experience times of unbroken isolation. Never confuse the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, because a great deal of what we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith, as the Bible teaches it, is faith in God coming against everything that contradicts Him— a faith that says, “I will remain true to God’s character whatever He may do.” The highest and the greatest expression of faith in the whole Bible is— “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (Job 13:15).
"The inevitable result of being alive"
You mean, just living and working and trusting? Yes. Just abiding. Like the branch and the vine.
And that final sentence. That is why life is worth living. Once you can say that with certainty, "Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him." You can't get His plan for your life wrong. He is trustworthy. Be blessed in the way that He uses you. Be mindful that you never take credit for His Glory in your life, and wait on your Father to lead.
I don't even know where to begin.
I haven't written for a few months because we are in upheaval right now. Most of our life is in boxes on pause while we wait for all the parts to come together to get settled in, what will hopefully be, our forever home. We have an offer on a place, and we are waiting for a short sale to be approved. We only want to live there if it is what the Lord has for us, but I am hopeful that this home will be it. If not, it's okay. We trust the Lord.
The transition times would be a lot harder I think, if I hadn't already embraced the idea that I have to wait. I am happy to report that I can see the way the Lord has matured this in me. Hallelujah! I'm not so emotional about the hold. I do not fret, or worry, I understand that just as I frequently tell our children to "Practice your patience", so I am in a spot where the Lord is saying (yet again) "Practice your patience."
And I am.
I mean, right now our rowing machine is about twelve inches from my desk chair, and yesssss I had to do a little wiggle to get into the chair, but it's kind of...fun...in a weird way, to just embrace the chaotic right now. I'm indulging in the messiness, and in the fellowship with my children. I hope it doesn't change. We are reading together (and twins, you are learning to sit still!), we are going out in public more, attempting fellowship with friends, and close to starting our first shot at homeschooling! It's been a lot of fun, and it seems that I may be getting a good exercise in what's important, so I'll put it in the bank!
We took our first family vacation two weeks ago. I wouldn't have ever dreamed that it would be as smooth as it was. We had a blast! Like a legitimate blast. I found myself chuckling at the fact that I am the mom. I mean, I can remember most of our family vacations, and here I was taking on the Mom role, not a role of a participant, but the leader. I felt that way in the move. I was no longer on lifting duty, I had graduated to director of goods, making sure everything had its spot was my chief task!
I also made sure Jonathan took at least one photo of our time in the sand. It was so nice to just play as a family. The beach in October may actually be my new favorite family vacation! It was just so fun!
So here I am, realizing that it's time to update our family's journal and, all kidding aside, so pleased at the groove we have found.
You kids will frequently sing Mr. Roger's Potato Bug Opera, in particular the refrain "Potato bugs groove, potato bugs groove, potato bugs groove, groove, groove!"
I smile to myself because by his definition we are in a little potato bug season. We are in a groove, sweet things! I am seeing much fruit around here. There is quite a lot of obedience coming forth, which encourages me in my attempts to hit grace and law equally. As a lover of God's Word, and a person that lives for truth in love, I continually try to hit the bullseye in discernment on everyday parenting challenges. It is the single most important thing I need to do. There is no love without law, and there is no love without grace. I don't always get it right, but I do more than wrong. "I praise you, Jesus. You are the One I praise in this!" I am seeing a really good harvest of what we have tried to sow faithfully.
All of you have your moments of disagreement or of selfishness, but generally a kind word and a redirection eases those instances. In your defiance, and with three we get at least a few moments a day, we correct swiftly with love and law. I also see that you know that I mean what I say. YAY! I have apparently proven myself as a mother who means what she says will happen because 9 times out of 10, if I state the consequence before you act disobedient (in the car or out in public for example, preempting what I know you little rascals will do), you won't do it. You know that I will levy your punishment. I'm very thankful, as it has really united us as a family. We are all on the same page. I'm so thankful for the perseverance in this!!! Sometimes it's hard to stop and handle discipline. Sigh. I'd rather not. But I know that I don't love you rightly if I ignore this.
Even without a routine you all have been able to follow the lead of our parenting, and that has filled my heart to the brim and overflowing. It spurs me on to continue to lead with love and conviction. I can get your heart's attentions and you will give me your raw emotions as well as your submission. I can't imagine a better situation to be in. The three of you are blessing me right now, and encouraging me to persevere in what the Lord has called us to do: to have more!
I frequently encounter people who like to make a crack about our insanity in having all of you (and wanting more!) and it pains me that your little ears hear that. Why would someone talk over my children's heads about their non worth? Tacky. But as you get older, it will provoke good conversation in our family, and be our prooftext in God's faithfulness. If He has a plan and a call, He will carry us through it victoriously as we practice obedience to Him. And isn't that what is happening with you little ones? God is showing Himself to you in your security of home, and in your place in our family, in a solid foundation, because of your obedience to your parents?
I am continually impressed with the way He shows His attributes to us in the area of parenting. No life endeavor has taught me more about God then parenting. And since I know that I am, that we are ultimately your association with who God is, I take it very seriously. I want to live as close to His heart in order to lead yours there.
I was honored to make this video almost two years ago for a women's conference through my church. I found it today, and thought I might share it. -Sarah
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by your right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire but you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:24-26
Source: www.fourpointschurch.tv
Wellllll wellllll wellllll! I am beaming as I type this!!!
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| Keeping your hands on the car in a parking lot |
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| Morning "Snuggies" |
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