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| Exhibit A |
Soooooo, parenting is such a great way to humble you, huh?
If for some reason you don't believe me, see Exhibit A.
That's 10 week old "toddler" Jack. Sucking his thumb. Like I said I would never allow my kids to do. And here it is...happening. And here I am, not doing anything about it.
Oh humility.
"He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way."
Psalm 25:9
I'm being taught so much...two days ago to be exact, Vivien and I had this exchange in the kitchen that was a teachable moment for me.
Dear Vivien,I was looking at you all dressed up, twirling around the kitchen with your jewelry on, and the lavender bow in your hair. You told me how pretty you were, and my eyes filled with tears thinking about how fast this was all going. You are so beautiful and full of life! People stop me everywhere to tell me how gorgeous your hair is, and how beautiful your eyes are. You are such a beautiful girl.
I asked you to come over to me and look into my eyes. You let off one more hearty spin and trotted over to me. I cupped your chin and told you how much I LOVED YOU. You replied, "I love you too!" and ran off. As your back turned to me, I heard the Holy Spirit impress on me "And this is what you do to me too..." Gentle conviction. Why run away? Is it uncomfortable for us to be in a deep place of experiencing His love? I think that love is "So amazing, it commands my life, my all!"
The Lord lavishes His love on me. On us. And yet, we are quick to just say "I love you too!" and run away to find our next thing. He calls us to Him, much like I did with you. You better believe I wanted you to stay with me. Hold my eyes. Want hugs. Want to just be with me, but ultimately I didn't hold you there to suffer under my kisses ;) I let you do your own thing...as does the Lord. It's an act of true devoted love, when you come to me unrestrained. And it's authentic. I'll wait for that.
That scene endeared my heart to Him even more in that moment. Thinking of His tenderness toward me, and His guidance in all parts of being your mother. How amazing! What confidence!
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you,
“Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”
Isaiah 41:13
On the subject of your beautiful blue eyes, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit about two weeks ago one morning. I was trudging up the stairs, tired, and still in the first hour of our day. Daddy was leaving the house, and you kids were full of joy (and antics!) downstairs at the table. I could hear the madness as I went to feed Jack, and I said "Oh Lord, I am not getting through to these children." It was a knowing prayer, sincerely at the end of my rope, which no one wants to pray as the start of their day. Yet here I was...sigh.
And then..."Eyes"
Oh Lord, yes! I had somehow forgotten something I had heard long ago...to get them to look into my eyes when I am redirecting and correcting.
Oh my! The changes! Not only has it helped me in my emotions, it has also been a reminder that no one wants to bark orders over their children's head trying to get their attention. That simple act of gently commanding it through the eyes has been a GAME CHANGER around here. It is loving you by giving you my eyes too. You can see that mommy means well with what she is saying, "No, you will not stand up in this grocery cart one more time," but it also limits the amount of times I repeat myself, as well as keeping you from being embarrassed at my correction.
I could cry it's been so meaningful to me!
You all haven't become perfect children overnight- please! But, we are having much more expectations met, and your little hearts are being reached in a way I can see.
Vivien, you have come to me this past week on a few occasions to apologize for misbehavior and hand out a hug. You have told me when you needed to practice self discipline, unprompted by me. Surely these aren't MY children?! My heart swells!
And Vivien, the other night in front of a big chunk of our family, you handed me our Character Building book and asked to read about patience. I meeeeeeean. It was like the craziest moment. I had to joke later that we weren't doing a show for the family, but it sure looked like it! HAH!
I recount these to tell you that there is good fruit in your lives, and the Lord is encouraging me with it all the time.
You may think that all this talk about what I am learning has very little to do with you until you are parents, but it's not true. It has to do with how you will hear from the Lord...on parenting, or on any other thing. Daddy and I love God's Word.
For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
Hebrews 4:12
As you continue to learn it, to store it in your little hearts, you will have a wealth of knowledge to pull from. The Lord will continue to teach your little teachable hearts like He does to us. He shapes us, molds us, prunes us! He primarily instructs through the Word, little ones, and nothing you ever hear correctly will be contradictory to Scripture, but I have also had scenarios like this one below in which the Lord communicated to me a truth.
A few days ago, one of you was having a nice little whiny fit in the car. I couldn't get to your eyes, for obvious reasons, but I was trying to assure you that you were, in fact, quite okay and needed to practice your patience. After many, many attempts at calm words I said firmly "That's enough, [child] no more whining!" I felt that "Oh no!" guilt for a moment, and then an even bigger press in from the Lord "Do you remember when you lived in Los Angeles, and I kept convicting you to leave your living situation...as the Word says: to flee from sin. Yet you did not?" And I was flooded with this picture when I remembered how the Lord had said "Enough!" to me. He had gently spoken to me my direction to go, many times, yet I had not trusted and relented to obey. Therefore, "Enough!" became the order of that day, and I will not bore you with the details, but it got my attention. I knew I was being disciplined.
"And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”
Hebrews 12:5-6
"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Hebrews 12:11
The Bible says much about the Lord's feelings on discipline...and all of it is good. I am trusting Him. I am trusting Him in parenting you all, with your very lives, and with mine.
Yes, I am humbled at what He has done. Great is His faithfulness!!!!
Yes, I am humbled at what He has done. Great is His faithfulness!!!!
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
23
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
I can see this promise in my life as the Lord continues to teach me even if it is sometimes through thumb sucking. Mommy is humbly taught, and will continue to be! Hallelujah! ;)
I love you,
Mommy
Hey Kids!
I've been aching to write you this for at least a week now, but I have been too busy to sit down and do it...wonder why? ;) I am taking advantage of a head/heart "dump" here in this letter to you so that I can continue to do what I have to, and perhaps look back one day with fondness on this all.
You see, I've recently felt saddened by the stage we are at right now with you three oldest. Vivien, Elijah, and Evelyn, you are all precocios and beautiful, and everyday you do things right in front of my eyes that astound me, but it's really hard right now. There. I said it.
We are in a phase that requires me to be a little more disciplinarian.
I'm confessing: I want to skip forward to the "talks about life" phase and the "heart issues, not behavioral issues" phase. (Yeah yeah, I know there will be challenges there, I'm just being honest about where I am now.)
Vivien. You are such a sweet girl. I can see that you long to be compliant, but you fight against me for your independence. It is always in a way that seems silly to me, but it's very real to you, and I do my best to help temper myself when you are having a hard time. It doesn't always have to be a battle (But you still aren't allowed to go to bed with your purse honey...) Some of the beauty in your "little mommy-ness" is that you always always want to lend a hand, and a majority of the time you are so very helpful. I value you and appreciate your attempts to be a good leader. That is a wonderful character trait, darling. I frequently hear you talking to your brother and sister like I do, and it encourages me, because you can be so gentle and kind. I realize that something is taking hold of you, and I thank God.
Elijah. I adore your stubborn spirit. It will make you a man of truth one day, and I am proud to be your mother and to help you grow that part of you. The Lord will use that! I am thankful that the Lord helps me be patient in your moments of gumption, for when you aren't stomping a foot, you love to sing, to dance, and to watch out for your sisters. You remind me a LOT of your father in these ways: headstrong, fiercely protective, an evaluator. You are my cautious observer, and I know this will benefit you in the long run. It's already benefitting your little sister ;)
See how lovely you all are?! And it really goes without saying how deep my (our) love for you is.
You all are special in your closeness. It is going to give you so many advantages in life. Having just one sibling as a close friend is the best gift, I can't imagine the gift that comes in multiple ones!!!
Right now you all bicker, hurt, snatch, anger, and generally irk one another everyday. It's because you are babies. You are young. You don't really understand what you are doing, you just do whatever comes to your little mind. No long term consequences. It makes me feel like I should put on a referee jersey every morning.
A lot of days I go to sleep wishing I could have said "yes" so much more than "no". Speaking a word of affirmation is pretty natural to me, yet even I spend time considering how I can encourage you more. We can get into this "correction cycle" so quickly!
I'm warning you now, I am not going to referee your lives forever. Right now this is where we are supposed to be. You are too little to know what you are getting yourself into. But later, you won't be, and we will start having you problem solve between each other. I'm not going to foster victim/bully mentality around here. I also can't bear to do it forever. It seems like it's too much now! ;)
What helps me the most is meditating on what God must feel like when He leads us as baby Christians. I can remember the ways He would redirect me over, and over. I can remember His hugs and kisses on me in certain circumstances, and His grace...ohhh His grace. I am thankful that I have those experiences to draw from. It helps me in my tenderness, and also my authority.
I know that I am (we are) laying a foundation for you all of what sort of character and behavior is appropriate. It's important. Very important.
I will keep trying hard not to wish these days away...you three are so precious to me. Oh my goodness. When you aren't squabbling, you are laughing and cheering each other on. Just this morning I overheard you all PRAYING together in your playhouse. Blessed. My. Heart!!!!!
I love you...I'm proud of you.
But, little ones, Jesus is how Mommy is making it these days. Mommy is weak. I am thankful to be raising you which allows me to live verses like this:
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
There is nothing more awesome than knowing and serving the Lord.
xo- Mom
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