"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered." Proverbs 11:25
Today it occurred to me that I adore being with my children. I really enjoy the job of Stay at Home Mom. I don't want anyone else to raise my kids, and I don't want to send them to others to "have a break" during the day. I want to be with them to help shape their interests, thoughts, education, and hearts.
I was very unsure about it even a year ago. I would have moments of "What have I gotten myself into?" and I would stop my mind from going down a trail of thoughts that could only end up negative, instead choosing to guard them and hand them over captively to The Lord: the one who led me here to begin with. Amen.
I can tell you why I wondered or worried.
Motherhood is the ultimate excercise in losing yourself. And, yeah, it's uncomfortable.
There are literally tons and tons of blogs floating around about how much you lose of yourself in order to sacrifice for your child or children. Physically, emotionally, it's a bunch of give give give! You are encouraged to embrace the insanity and just rejoice in the giant pat on the back you should keep giving yourself everyday, day in and day out, because "It is SO not about YOU anymore, and you should be proud that you recognize it! Good job thinking of yourself last, Mom!"
This is so subtly misleading as a new Mom because here's the thing: Where does that newfound selflessness project itself? It has to go somewhere! Onto yourself again? Perhaps. Are you the type that bemoans how much you give and give and give without ever asking for anything in return. Then you struggle there.
But for most, it will project onto your kids. The sun will rise and set on the idol of children, and let me tell you, it's not a worthy place to put your newfound self denial.
There's a difference between serving your children and being subservient to them.
You can tell where you stand when your little rejects your affections, or your teen tells you they hate you. How do you respond? This is the ultimate litmus test for any mother.
If this makes you crumble, if you wonder: now what was all of this for? Where is my value? And even: WHO AM I?!?! You have become subservient. Your happiness will never exist. No matter what you put your value in, your children, your spouse, whatever, it will all prove a let down. That mother you mock whom "just won't let their grown child go"...yeah, that will be you.
Where does your servanthood need to spring from then? From the ultimate servant of man: Jesus.
"For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45
You must take your beautifully painful (and frequent) moments of death to self to The Lord. You must invest in Him and Him alone. You must be a powerful prayer warrior for your children. You must find your value in who He says you are and what HE HAS FOR YOUR FAMILY in order to survive motherhood and a one day empty nest without pledging the depths of your heart to your littles.
Do not give the love that is meant for Christ to anything else.
It's not that you ignore your children, or treat them less than, it's that you have things in proper place. And things in their proper places WORK.
In this, you will reap such a reward in the legacy you lead in front of them, that it will inspire and compel them to live the same. Most of what our children learn is caught rather than taught anyway. You will have children with servant hearts and mature spirits.
What are you throwing out? A love for the Almighty? A desire for His prescence and for His Word? A softness towards the prompting of the Holy Spirit and a reliance on His guidance in day to day life?
Oh help me Jesus to radiate that for my children. My deepest prayer! May my affection for The Lord be so deep and so wide that my children will have to search it to find me. Hallelujah.
"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." Galatians 5:13
