Well, hello there Blog! How have you been? I know it's been quite a while since I posted an update...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you. We've had a lot going on, and I couldn't just quite seem to sit down and write.
To prove to you how badly I wanted to update you, and couldn't wait another day, please take exhibit A: our "office". It gets a "" because how can you call a room with filled with all sorts of unpacked nonsense, brown curtains up over the windows like we're hiding something, a crib, PILES of paperwork, and, oh yeah, a desk with a computer on it, AN OFFICE?! It's been like THAT, Blog, please understand. I cannot make a case that this room looks any different than the day we moved in two months ago. What can I say, the squeaky wheel always seems to get the grease....
And then there's the morning sickness. Which is actually more like all day queasiness plus fatigue. You know, the sickness that guilts you into feeling like the laziest mom, zaps your desire to shower, and keeps you from doing dishes, like, ever? Yeah, that little buddy brings the promise of a sweet new member to our family, reminding me that I am WEAK and in need of HIS STRENGTH.
So, in an attempt at self discipline this morning, I read Vivien the fancy homeschool books, and while congratulating myself on actually doing something well, I noticed the abysmal condition of the bottoms of my feet. Goodness. I about gagged. It's just THAT LIFE right now. We're powering through ;)
I am poking fun at myself, but I have to admit, I really have seen a lot of growth. I can remember (since it wasn't too long ago) before Vivien my thoughts on motherhood, my physical condition, and I can see a big difference between then and now. Good thing I have a blog I can go back and read ;)
One thing no one really shouts from the rooftops in the whole "motherhood is such an amazing journey" thing, is that I am finding to do it well, it requires a very self sacrificial attitude. I know that sounds over simplified, or perhaps it's "DUH!" What else you got for me? But, it's one of those concepts like "Training for a triathlon is hard!" or "Losing 50 pounds is hard!" It's a long process that requires lots of denial of self. I just don't think I am living in a culture that really grasps denial of self. I mean, I know I'm not. Heck, even other women that love the Lord used to get after me about "me time". How I needed "me time". And I thought, yes, they are right! To make myself a better mother, I need more ME TIME!!!! Wrong. So, so, so wrong. Let me caveat this by saying, I am not scorning time spent alone (um, hello, I'm alone right now while all of my children nap), rather, what I have picked up on is that a day to day balance can easily be reached, after the Lord really changes your heart for what "me time" is. I mean, I find that what fuels me the most is time with my Father. But, it has been a process. I used to really need to get out. Now I find when I do, I'm out of touch with what "fun" is...and I would rather be at home with my family. And also hear this, I so enjoy a simple date with my spouse. It's nice to laugh and cut up and remember why we will be crazy about each other forever.......but then again, we have five kids, we don't struggle with finding alone time. We MAKE it.
And so I think trusting God with the amount of children in your family ends up being the biggest flag we wave that we love Jesus, else who would possibly self sacrifice that much?!
And the Lord has been meeting me as He teaches me that HE does, and He wants ME to. I can feel Him quietly in my midst in the days here. Giving me strength when I have to repeat myself one extra time because my little fireball of a two year old didn't hear me again. And I can feel His sweet conviction when I have a moment I wish I would've handled differently. But it's kindly bringing me to repentance and kindly showing His heart to my children.
What a blessing it is to stay at home with our children.
I can't say that I have ever done anything to show me the heart of my Father like I have mothering. Oh mercy! It begs me to forget myself, and to lean on Him through which all things are possible (yes! even those mundane tasks!) And in my complete and utter weaknesses, He is strong. He gives me peace to let things lie that can wait, and encourages my Spirit to work as if unto Him on the things that I have no desire to tackle. What waits at the other side of a job well done is an assurance that He made it happen. How can I ever be made strong in Him if I am never weak?
Weakness has come in the form of four little ones and one more on the way. I joke with anyone who listens that I prefer a belly to the constant rocking of that first trimester boat, but I am thankful bottom line, that the Lord has blessed us with another. He is gracious.
So what if the office is entering its third month of disarray? Who cares if the basement is such a disaster that even I feel overwhelmed? It's not a big deal that the kids rooms aren't organized well at this point, just well enough. It'll work itself out soon. And The Lord is the one who keeps giving me the grace and the orders every day. Hallelujah, my Lord, you are my ROCK and MY FORTRESS, MY GOD IN WHOM I TRUST.
Finally, today this Good Friday, was a great platform to talk with our children about Resurrection Sunday approaching...or, as everyone calls it: Easter. We talked about sin and drew out little cards depicting our sins. We talked about bad attitudes, hitting, or being unkind, and that Jesus died for those. Then we put them on a cross. What does the weight of that mean to them? I don't know. Probably very little right now. But it wasn't cheap grace, it cost our Lord HIS LIFE. Thank you Father for dying for me. Jesus, you paid it all.
Let's keep remembering what it's all about, shall we? To know Him and to make Him known? Keep running after Him through meditating and praying His Word.
Have a Blessed Good Friday!
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