A Baby Bug's Life

I've been thinking a lot about the Discipline word.  Mostly how much responsibility, self control, love, and grace it requires from me.

I don't always get it right.

Shocker, I know.

A few days ago Vivien was pitching a full on tantrum *on the staircase* while my 35 weeks pregnant self was trying to urge she, her brother, and her sister up the flight without casualties.  It was the perfect time for a willful toddler to flex the muscles of "What will mommy do?", and I can understand wanting to stay out and play, but I know better than she.

I am aware that a napless Vivien makes for a little girl with a spoiled attitude come early evening. No thanks!

So, while I really wanted to just let her stay up and play with me, I was trying to hustle her upstairs for NAPTIME.  

My patience wasn't thin at the beginning, but the staircase setting put me on edge (Someone could get hurt!!!), so instead of gently handling her, I popped her bottom good (through her coth diaper, so was it really good?) and helped her up the stairs screaming.  She *did* get the point and after settling the twins to sleep quickly, I joined her in her room.

I'm taking a step out into new territory by journaling this story.  Is this something I will want to remember years from now? Is this something I want all of my children to reference one day? I am cautiously answering yes.

I met Vivien in her room.  She was not happy with me, and I was upset for the way I had handled it too.  I asked her if she would pray with me, and we did.  We prayed for more evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives, thanked Jesus for loving us, and giving us to each other, and a few other things.

When we were done praying, all was mended between us.  No more hurt.  

I talked it over with Jonathan later. He encouraged me to have grace with myself.  But I was quick to share with him the verse above.  I *happened* to be reading 1 Corinthians 4 THAT DAY, and Paul's tone encouraged me.  In fact, I'm not sure that I ever read that verse with any sort of consequnce.  It just had never been on the radar.

I am not a pushover, or someone that can't direct the kids.  But, I was a prodigal, and I know that I am prone to want to go easy on them for an imbalance in my heart.  I stupidly think that there is some way I can be loving and gentle enough that I would keep them from any chance of ever rebelling.  Not that every child does, or will, or that our actions have little or no influence on that...etc.  It's just that, my heart breaks for their sin.  I wish I could take it on myself, or something silly like that.  But I can't. 

It is a far higher calling from The Lord to enter the arena of parenting and submit to what He wants to teach me:  a healthy way to approach parenting.

This means that I can come with a spirit of gentleness, but I have to be the law enforcer.  I can't just sit at the table and let the kids throw their food all over the floor.  While that may be cute in a scene in a movie, it's not the way to train them up to be respectful towards food, property, others, etc.

When my tenderhearted son, who genuinely is a textbook baby (like I literally can tell his age by his behavioral milestones), starts a bedtime battle with me, he wants to see what the boundaries are.  How do I help him when I go in his room a thousand times giving him back things he's thrown out of the crib.  I'm sure some would chalk it up to "his curiousity" or myriad other reasons...but I see the look on his face, and after a few days of playing his game, I finally realized what was going on.  I told him if he pitched a fit, I would come back and spank his bottom.  He got very introspective, laid there, and I knew he understood.  So I left, and he pitched a fit.  Wouldn't you know, I went back in, popped his cloth diapered bottom and laid him down, and I heard "night night, momma" as I left the room.  And it's been quiet ever since.

Back to the verse. at the top, Paul asks about coming with "a spirit of love in gentleness", and I prefer that approach to tell you the truth.

I hope most mothers do.

But sometimes, as Paul states above to the church in Corinth (who were behaving like a bunch of unruly children to put it quickly...), we are required to use a rod.  That's a metaphor, obviously.  And because my interest isn't in examining the passages in scripture that relate to "The rod" (today), I'll let it lie.  But suffice to say, there is a lot there.

The Lord is gracious to me.  Today, as I watched the kids play together in their playroom, I considered what their interactions would look like even a year from now.

Vivien is so very into imaginative play, and becomes frustrated when her brother and sister mess with whatever she is in the process of dreaming about.  It requires a lot of referreeing on my part, but I roll with it.  The twins are pretty easily persuaded to move on to something else.

I'm thrilled that Jonathan fenced in the backyard so that they have freedom back there.  I enjoy watching Evelyn taste dirt, or Elijah walk far enough away to turn around and show me what a big boy he is.  It's a joy.

What a journey motherhood is.  I thought in my 20s that I had been so closely tethered to The Lord because of "my ministry" in "LA" and all the reading and studying I did...but my life now requires so much more listening, leaning, and loving on Jesus.  Oh my.  I just want to change in any way that He asks me to.  I never want to be stubborn in my own devices or ideas, only open to whatever The Lord asks me to lay down.

I am so humbled that we keep conceiving children.  So humbled.

Children, every night when daddy and I pray for you, it's to be in love with Jesus, set free from whatever would hold you back by the power of the Holy Spirit, and that you would have JOY, deep joy, unending love, and humble sevant's hearts.  

My cup overflows.